Round One: Witty vs. Pharaohs Army [OPEN FOR VOTES]

Pinot Grij · 01-13-2016, 03:20 PM

Witty - this was really cool, man. I've read it a couple times now - started off a little slow, but you incorporated a lot in to it and your narrator seemed genuine. Only thing is - John Lennon wasn't shot in bed, he was shot outside a hotel. Either way, a pretty entertaining read and I liked the closer.

Pharoah - this was pretty cool and you articulated some interesting thoughts pretty well. You captured the inherent evil of this internet generation - I just don't feel like the thoughts were fleshed out that well. I definitely think if you elaborated more and included more aspects of the internet and online culture that you could've had a really good piece. As it is though, it just feels unfinished.

Vote -- Witty

01-13-2016, 03:20 PM	#1
Pinot Grij Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 863 Battle Record: 23-19 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night 2 - Write Week V - Netcees Battle League (2x) - Winter Topical II - 1-2 Punch league Rep Power: 29195064	Witty - this was really cool, man. I've read it a couple times now - started off a little slow, but you incorporated a lot in to it and your narrator seemed genuine. Only thing is - John Lennon wasn't shot in bed, he was shot outside a hotel. Either way, a pretty entertaining read and I liked the closer. Pharoah - this was pretty cool and you articulated some interesting thoughts pretty well. You captured the inherent evil of this internet generation - I just don't feel like the thoughts were fleshed out that well. I definitely think if you elaborated more and included more aspects of the internet and online culture that you could've had a really good piece. As it is though, it just feels unfinished. Vote -- Witty __________________ Topical C.R.E.A.M.