Round One: Frank vs. Grafx [OPEN FOR VOTES]

UnbornBuddha · 01-13-2016, 01:57 AM

Graph: I liked the verse, it had its moments. I could tell you are cultivating your writer's voice. Yet, one thing that really was off-putting was the lack of proofing. Basic spelling errors are the worse, "strenghth". It might not seem like a lot, but at the level of competition here, every detail matters. I understand slips here and there, but try to be more diligent, and sometimes I felt like a basic comma would have separated your thoughts better, in some instances. That said, I enjoyed the approach. But, it is not enough to best Frank.

Frank, you are one of my favorite writers. And you are really good at rhyming and I love the technical aspect of what we do, so your attempt to rap the same scheme is always impressive. However, there is always lines that seem off because to do the same scheme in each verse is going to have deleterious effects. As for the topic, I mean it was straightforward, very Frank-esque in its approach. Did I love it? No, to be frank, no pun intended. But, I can't say I myself didn't enjoy it, I did. But, it had its issues and part of them is the need to rhyme everything which contributes to wording issues. You could probably write a novel, you are very detailed in the storytelling sense. Just please don't try to rhyme it all if you do decide to write one!

Vote: Frank

01-13-2016, 01:57 AM	#9
UnbornBuddha Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 1,008 Battle Record: 23-10 Champed - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 5 Rep Power: 23856379	Graph: I liked the verse, it had its moments. I could tell you are cultivating your writer's voice. Yet, one thing that really was off-putting was the lack of proofing. Basic spelling errors are the worse, "strenghth". It might not seem like a lot, but at the level of competition here, every detail matters. I understand slips here and there, but try to be more diligent, and sometimes I felt like a basic comma would have separated your thoughts better, in some instances. That said, I enjoyed the approach. But, it is not enough to best Frank. Frank, you are one of my favorite writers. And you are really good at rhyming and I love the technical aspect of what we do, so your attempt to rap the same scheme is always impressive. However, there is always lines that seem off because to do the same scheme in each verse is going to have deleterious effects. As for the topic, I mean it was straightforward, very Frank-esque in its approach. Did I love it? No, to be frank, no pun intended. But, I can't say I myself didn't enjoy it, I did. But, it had its issues and part of them is the need to rhyme everything which contributes to wording issues. You could probably write a novel, you are very detailed in the storytelling sense. Just please don't try to rhyme it all if you do decide to write one! Vote: Frank