My Dog

Pinot Grij · 12-31-2015, 07:07 PM

When my friends ask, “What’s poppin’, Daniel?”
I’m like, “I’m chillin’ with my cocker spaniel.”

Ayo.

If you don’t like dogs, then I think that you’re super weird
My dog got soft fur, a short tail and droopy ears
I can’t take my dog to work, I think I need a new career
I’m in a room with 7 dogs right now and mine's the cutest here

Her breed is obesity prone, so I can’t give her food a lot
If there’s a dog on the TV she can get confused a lot
I guess it’s my fault cuz I like to watch the tube a lot
We watched “Air Bud: Golden Receiver” - it had a stupid plot

When I say “Speak”, my dog knows how to bark at that trick
A stranger knocks on the door? I know my dog’ll bark at that trick
If she rolls over, I’ll take her to the park for that trick
And she’s excited when she gets inside the car for that trip

I love my dog, she really knows how to walk on a leash
I hate my landlord, he stated “No Dogs” on the lease
But that just means I lied about my dog on the lease
Am I worried if he sees my dog? Not in the least
I’ll just say my friend was here, I’ve been gone for a week
And I forgot to tell him that it said “No Dogs” on the lease
When my landlord leaves, I’ll hook up my dog with a treat
Then throw on Dogg Pound and we both nod to the beat

When my dog needs a haircut, she’s the shaggiest pup
Then I take her to the groomer and she look fancy as fuck
If there’s a storm, my dog is scared if she hears the thunder
But if I need to lull her I’ll just fill her Kong with peanut butter

I said, I really love my dog, do I gotta spell it out?
My dog knows the word WALK - so I gotta spell it out
I said I gotta spell it out, that’s Double U A-L-K
My dog eats the fanciest treats because I stay well paid

My dog is never sad, she’s always wagging her tail
And that’s a real good indication that she’s happy as hell
You’d be happy as well if you ever seen her bottom waggle
That’s why everywhere I go I gotta bring my cocker spaniel

Certain · 12-31-2015, 07:43 PM

I liked this a lot. It was smooth and made me smile. The details were solid, and the repetition was executed well to effect. It reminded me of Lil Dickey in terms of the writer's voice, content and flow.

Two parts that I got tripped up on:

Quote:

If there’s a storm, my dog is scared if she hears the thunder
But if I need to lull her I’ll just fill her Kong with peanut butter
and
My dog eats the fanciest treats because I stay well paid

Diablo · 01-01-2016, 06:50 AM

Certain is such a gnarly editorial radical guy.

Bodey · 01-02-2016, 03:15 AM

Lol I love my dog too

Great read. Some syllables and wording I woulda changed but who the fuck am I. Idk your dog

brokenhal0 · 01-02-2016, 04:31 AM

your dog is stupid...

ill nik-A · 01-02-2016, 11:30 AM

Entertaining read, I enjoyed it

Good shit, dog.

Wise Wiggles · 01-02-2016, 11:50 AM

Good shit. Favored the mid section the most. Stay up.

UnbornBuddha · 01-02-2016, 04:23 PM

Humorous, especially the landlord and dogg pound bit.

Adonis · 01-03-2016, 05:12 AM

Wtf Pinot? You reminded me who you are. Would have ranked you higher. Fun read though. Not usually my taste, but you kept a constant stream of new visuals and details hiding the fact that I didn't like the concept. Solid writing to say the least

Witty · 01-03-2016, 11:39 AM

I really really enjoyed this lol light hearted, good natured, funny, and relatable. I very much enjoyed the concept and the writing was very natural, very professional and your use of repetition showed a deft touch many do not have, it's hard to pull off but you did, props man.

Dove Dozer · 03-10-2016, 02:30 PM

this was pretty good, as witty mentioned, light hearted and funny. I needed that. good stuff man.

Detriment · 03-11-2016, 07:23 PM

Hmm. I definitely agree with everyone here on the light hearted and maybe mildly funny vibe this presents and that was cool, alway's room for that. I'm not sure that this was like, masterful, or anything but ...enjoyable to read for what it was worth. I'd say my favorite section and consequently the better written section was

I love my dog, she really knows how to walk on a leash
I hate my landlord, he stated “No Dogs” on the lease
But that just means I lied about my dog on the lease
Am I worried if he sees my dog? Not in the least
I’ll just say my friend was here, I’ve been gone for a week
And I forgot to tell him that it said “No Dogs” on the lease
When my landlord leaves, I’ll hook up my dog with a treat
Then throw on Dogg Pound and we both nod to the beat

^This whole section was executed well. I think the piece kinda lost it's flare at the end in comparison but ...overall I'm going to give this a "ok".

12-31-2015, 07:07 PM	#1
Pinot Grij Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 863 Battle Record: 23-19 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night 2 - Write Week V - Netcees Battle League (2x) - Winter Topical II - 1-2 Punch league Rep Power: 29195061	My Dog When my friends ask, “What’s poppin’, Daniel?” I’m like, “I’m chillin’ with my cocker spaniel.” Ayo. If you don’t like dogs, then I think that you’re super weird My dog got soft fur, a short tail and droopy ears I can’t take my dog to work, I think I need a new career I’m in a room with 7 dogs right now and mine's the cutest here Her breed is obesity prone, so I can’t give her food a lot If there’s a dog on the TV she can get confused a lot I guess it’s my fault cuz I like to watch the tube a lot We watched “Air Bud: Golden Receiver” - it had a stupid plot When I say “Speak”, my dog knows how to bark at that trick A stranger knocks on the door? I know my dog’ll bark at that trick If she rolls over, I’ll take her to the park for that trick And she’s excited when she gets inside the car for that trip I love my dog, she really knows how to walk on a leash I hate my landlord, he stated “No Dogs” on the lease But that just means I lied about my dog on the lease Am I worried if he sees my dog? Not in the least I’ll just say my friend was here, I’ve been gone for a week And I forgot to tell him that it said “No Dogs” on the lease When my landlord leaves, I’ll hook up my dog with a treat Then throw on Dogg Pound and we both nod to the beat When my dog needs a haircut, she’s the shaggiest pup Then I take her to the groomer and she look fancy as fuck If there’s a storm, my dog is scared if she hears the thunder But if I need to lull her I’ll just fill her Kong with peanut butter I said, I really love my dog, do I gotta spell it out? My dog knows the word WALK - so I gotta spell it out I said I gotta spell it out, that’s Double U A-L-K My dog eats the fanciest treats because I stay well paid My dog is never sad, she’s always wagging her tail And that’s a real good indication that she’s happy as hell You’d be happy as well if you ever seen her bottom waggle That’s why everywhere I go I gotta bring my cocker spaniel __________________ Topical C.R.E.A.M.

01-02-2016, 11:30 AM	#6
ill nik-A Super Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 7,411 Battle Record: 70-25 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - Battle Arena - BA Picture - Picture Battle Tournament - Netcees Battle League (3x) - Netcees Writers League (2x) - Summer Classic VI - Fall Brawl III - Netcees Battle League Season X - Lyric Olympics Rep Power: 77164516	Entertaining read, I enjoyed it Good shit, dog. __________________ Grumpy old man.

01-02-2016, 11:50 AM	#7
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,507 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788019	Good shit. Favored the mid section the most. Stay up. __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"

01-03-2016, 05:12 AM	#9
Adonis Tsk Tsk Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Beer Goggles Posts: 4,834 Battle Record: 36-34 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - NFL Pick'em 2016-17 Rep Power: 9946446	Wtf Pinot? You reminded me who you are. Would have ranked you higher. Fun read though. Not usually my taste, but you kept a constant stream of new visuals and details hiding the fact that I didn't like the concept. Solid writing to say the least __________________ I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR

01-03-2016, 11:39 AM	#10
Witty Lime Life Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 16,801 Battle Record: 30-41 Accomplishments - Only Slightly Retarded Champed - Lyric Olympics - Summer Classic Rep Power: 82986458	I really really enjoyed this lol light hearted, good natured, funny, and relatable. I very much enjoyed the concept and the writing was very natural, very professional and your use of repetition showed a deft touch many do not have, it's hard to pull off but you did, props man. __________________ He listens to voices inside of his mind Explicit and poisonous violent crime.

01-01-2016, 06:50 AM	#3
Diablo Badgerdick Join Date: Jul 2015 Location: Showdown City Posts: 2,604 Battle Record: 11-2 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 22685549	Certain is such a gnarly editorial radical guy.

01-02-2016, 04:31 AM	#5
brokenhal0 Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Posts: 493 Battle Record: 12-12=4 Champed - AOWL Season IX Rep Power: 455117	your dog is stupid...

01-02-2016, 04:23 PM	#8
UnbornBuddha Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 1,008 Battle Record: 23-10 Champed - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 5 Rep Power: 23856376	Humorous, especially the landlord and dogg pound bit.

03-10-2016, 02:30 PM	#11
Dove Dozer loose leaf bruce lee Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 1,079 Battle Record: 7-6 Rep Power: 1853213	this was pretty good, as witty mentioned, light hearted and funny. I needed that. good stuff man. __________________

03-11-2016, 07:23 PM	#12
Detriment Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2016 Posts: 27 Rep Power: 0	Hmm. I definitely agree with everyone here on the light hearted and maybe mildly funny vibe this presents and that was cool, alway's room for that. I'm not sure that this was like, masterful, or anything but ...enjoyable to read for what it was worth. I'd say my favorite section and consequently the better written section was I love my dog, she really knows how to walk on a leash I hate my landlord, he stated “No Dogs” on the lease But that just means I lied about my dog on the lease Am I worried if he sees my dog? Not in the least I’ll just say my friend was here, I’ve been gone for a week And I forgot to tell him that it said “No Dogs” on the lease When my landlord leaves, I’ll hook up my dog with a treat Then throw on Dogg Pound and we both nod to the beat ^This whole section was executed well. I think the piece kinda lost it's flare at the end in comparison but ...overall I'm going to give this a "ok".