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Split · 05-06-2013, 04:29 AM

Like to see you stretch your rhymes more and be braver with slants. You used "movement"/ oo-in as a end rhyme a whole lot. Strong ending, flow didnt stutter but also came across as safe. Secondary/ internal rhyming was impressive but kinda masked by the paragraph, and the rhyming wasn't progressive/abstract/revolutionary enough to highlight the cohesiveness of the paragraph as a whole. Cool exercise. Keep keyin

Dope girl · 05-07-2013, 02:55 PM

you had Some dope lines, Flows & line up needs more work.

05-06-2013, 04:29 AM	#1
Split . Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 8,898 Battle Record: 27-22 Rep Power: 85899399	Like to see you stretch your rhymes more and be braver with slants. You used "movement"/ oo-in as a end rhyme a whole lot. Strong ending, flow didnt stutter but also came across as safe. Secondary/ internal rhyming was impressive but kinda masked by the paragraph, and the rhyming wasn't progressive/abstract/revolutionary enough to highlight the cohesiveness of the paragraph as a whole. Cool exercise. Keep keyin __________________ http://split8.yolasite.com

05-07-2013, 02:55 PM	#2
Dope girl Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: I live in Florida Posts: 4,789 Battle Record: 3-8 Rep Power: 55521419	mmmmmmm you had Some dope lines, Flows & line up needs more work.