Women from Venus, Men from Mars

Nigma · 11-05-2015, 12:48 AM

Women from Venus, Men from Mars

i hold a severed heart and a quest that's broken.
it's time again. behold this, i'll lend my presence and pledge devotion
this gentle notion has grown as true as my best cologne is, but
with more soul abuse than a bowling shoe with it's endless owners
i dried the wettest ocean while crying, hold me. deflect the harm
take the methods motion, dissect emotion and hem the scars.
fill the empty deadness with pills, injections. i never starve
got me feeling reckless, my wielded senses are set on target
he gets me. hardly. her attempts to blend with me kinda pathetic..
i kinda regret this. partly cause the sex is hardly the best
we party with friends that i'd argue to bet are larger
never captained that action. its a ship i never harbored
despite the endless hardships, remaining faithful and loving him
thinking back to the days, relapsing my brain to us younger kids
snuggled, munching popcorn, i was melting as the butter drips
meaning and it's substance was unleashed with that first hug and kiss
prestigious feelings summoned from the meeting of our touching lips
eat some greek, it's something quick. stick pita in some hummus dip
the metaphor just said explores the region where i stuck my dick
i pleaded him to fuck me harder. seeping, then a gush of it
erupted my circumference like the screams, deep in my stomachs pit
she loved it! yeah. she needs it. now i'm feeling so above her shit
she's a fucking succubus
the heat between us smothered like we're creases in an oven mitt
i'd bluff denying struggle from how deeply I'm in love with him
feel like she's in awe the way she deals with this so comfortably
still really holding on till death, i'm reeling in this lust i live
fealty is fading like a Queen who just can't trust her Prince
i wanna...
fuck his cousin cause he's probly sleepin with some other bitch
don't wanna sleep, dream she's cheating. please, i've had enough of this
deeper than diseases, it's deceit. our beings clung to it
to believe that shes in love with me, i speak to priests. put trust in them
plead with them and see if they can speak to God and summon Him
they say even demons bleed, we can beat it. just don't cuss and quit
she started acting weird, was tested, peed, we seen the plus on strip
people always seeking ways to even up the dumbs they did
our breed has shown achievements, no ones speaking on the trust from kids
we started off as martians, now we're leaning on the mothership

Maximus · 11-09-2015, 01:00 PM

WHAT THE FUCK!!
How come a dope piece like this get slept on. This was really enjoyable by me from the beginning to the last word, shit was captivating, I read it twice man.. That's how much I loved it, solid concept and was well executed with complex inner rhymes, metaphors, wordplays and imagery.. Twas beautifully crafted.. These were some of my fav parts
this gentle notion has grown as true as my best cologne is, but
with more soul abuse than a bowling shoe with it's endless owners
i dried the wettest ocean while crying, hold me. deflect the harm
take the methods motion, dissect emotion and hem the scars.
Liked the wordplay here...
Also
eat some greek, it's something quick. stick pita in some hummus dip
the metaphor just said explores the region where i stuck my dick
i pleaded him to fuck me harder. seeping, then a gush of it
erupted my circumference like the screams, deep in my stomachs pit
she loved it! yeah. she needs it. now i'm feeling so above her shit
she's a fucking succubus
the heat between us smothered like we're creases in an oven mitt
Damn son, dope imagery
.
.
One luv bro

Nigma · 11-09-2015, 08:15 PM

@Maximus thanks for the kind words man, really appreciate you coming through to check this out. Was a verse that unfortunately got no-showed in the champ match last week so it's nice to get some feed on it for real

e11even · 11-10-2015, 04:07 AM

You obviously woulda won that battle bro. This is immaculate. I imagine some of my verses coming out this thorough but they never quite make it out in the same manner. I'm taking notes and I hope I can reach this level before I ever face you. Good shit, stay up bro.

Exis · 11-10-2015, 05:46 AM

I said in a AOWL thread that this was dope & yeah...one of the best pieces I've read on any forum in a long time.Whole thing is quotable, its just beautifully written...thought words choices were great,
a dope verse in all aspects. Good shit man.

Stay upwards wit it.

JESODIST · 11-11-2015, 05:38 AM

Nice Intro Lotta rhyming in between the lines Some of your bars are are really long but after putting them together and finding the proper flow to it, It became really enjoyable.
Don't know if the Red was supposed to mean the men and if the pink was supposed to mean the ladies but its quite a nice blend and also integrated throughout the whole verse.

sral · 11-13-2015, 06:27 AM

Am I alone in not liking this one?

Not to be a dick or anything, I like Nigma, I just wasn't feeling this all that much. It read like a rushed key to me, tbh. Then I read the comments in here and i'm like... am I missing something?

I mean, it's not bad, but it certainly isn't "one of the best pieces I've read on any forum in a long time" by a long haul.

Sorry if this came across the wrong way, I dunno, different strokes for different folks I guess?

Pharaohs Army · 11-25-2015, 04:17 PM

see below

Pharaohs Army · 03-01-2016, 06:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Exis

beautifully written

11-05-2015, 12:48 AM	#1
Nigma The COAT... Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: BC, Canada Posts: 1,724 Battle Record: 28-20 Champed - Art of Writing League (x3) Rep Power: 4595810	Women from Venus, Men from Mars Women from Venus, Men from Mars i hold a severed heart and a quest that's broken. it's time again. behold this, i'll lend my presence and pledge devotion this gentle notion has grown as true as my best cologne is, but with more soul abuse than a bowling shoe with it's endless owners i dried the wettest ocean while crying, hold me. deflect the harm take the methods motion, dissect emotion and hem the scars. fill the empty deadness with pills, injections. i never starve got me feeling reckless, my wielded senses are set on target he gets me. hardly. her attempts to blend with me kinda pathetic.. i kinda regret this. partly cause the sex is hardly the best we party with friends that i'd argue to bet are larger never captained that action. its a ship i never harbored despite the endless hardships, remaining faithful and loving him thinking back to the days, relapsing my brain to us younger kids snuggled, munching popcorn, i was melting as the butter drips meaning and it's substance was unleashed with that first hug and kiss prestigious feelings summoned from the meeting of our touching lips eat some greek, it's something quick. stick pita in some hummus dip the metaphor just said explores the region where i stuck my dick i pleaded him to fuck me harder. seeping, then a gush of it erupted my circumference like the screams, deep in my stomachs pit she loved it! yeah. she needs it. now i'm feeling so above her shit she's a fucking succubus the heat between us smothered like we're creases in an oven mitt i'd bluff denying struggle from how deeply I'm in love with him feel like she's in awe the way she deals with this so comfortably still really holding on till death, i'm reeling in this lust i live fealty is fading like a Queen who just can't trust her Prince i wanna... fuck his cousin cause he's probly sleepin with some other bitch don't wanna sleep, dream she's cheating. please, i've had enough of this deeper than diseases, it's deceit. our beings clung to it to believe that shes in love with me, i speak to priests. put trust in them plead with them and see if they can speak to God and summon Him they say even demons bleed, we can beat it. just don't cuss and quit she started acting weird, was tested, peed, we seen the plus on strip people always seeking ways to even up the dumbs they did our breed has shown achievements, no ones speaking on the trust from kids we started off as martians, now we're leaning on the mothership __________________

11-09-2015, 08:15 PM	#3
Nigma The COAT... Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: BC, Canada Posts: 1,724 Battle Record: 28-20 Champed - Art of Writing League (x3) Rep Power: 4595810	@Maximus thanks for the kind words man, really appreciate you coming through to check this out. Was a verse that unfortunately got no-showed in the champ match last week so it's nice to get some feed on it for real __________________

11-10-2015, 04:07 AM	#4
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247256	You obviously woulda won that battle bro. This is immaculate. I imagine some of my verses coming out this thorough but they never quite make it out in the same manner. I'm taking notes and I hope I can reach this level before I ever face you. Good shit, stay up bro. __________________ Ahem.

11-13-2015, 06:27 AM	#7
sral Shrewd as evearthed Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: Wolverhampton, England Posts: 8,274 Battle Record: 28-3 Champed - Gimmick Battle League - The Winter Topical - Topical Martyrs - Lime Green Poetry Association - Lyric Olympics - Art of Writing League - Guerrilla Writing League (2x) - Black August II Rep Power: 85899392	Am I alone in not liking this one? Not to be a dick or anything, I like Nigma, I just wasn't feeling this all that much. It read like a rushed key to me, tbh. Then I read the comments in here and i'm like... am I missing something? I mean, it's not bad, but it certainly isn't "one of the best pieces I've read on any forum in a long time" by a long haul. Sorry if this came across the wrong way, I dunno, different strokes for different folks I guess? __________________ - Netcees Rebuttal Tourney - Art of Writing League (x 4) - AOWL Season 11 Champion (Undefeated Season)

11-25-2015, 04:17 PM	#8
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,962 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	see below Last edited by Pharaohs Army; 10-23-2016 at 09:29 PM.

11-09-2015, 01:00 PM	#2
Maximus Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 923 Battle Record: 25-26 Champed - NBL Cypher Rep Power: 11169469	WHAT THE FUCK!! How come a dope piece like this get slept on. This was really enjoyable by me from the beginning to the last word, shit was captivating, I read it twice man.. That's how much I loved it, solid concept and was well executed with complex inner rhymes, metaphors, wordplays and imagery.. Twas beautifully crafted.. These were some of my fav parts this gentle notion has grown as true as my best cologne is, but with more soul abuse than a bowling shoe with it's endless owners i dried the wettest ocean while crying, hold me. deflect the harm take the methods motion, dissect emotion and hem the scars. Liked the wordplay here... Also eat some greek, it's something quick. stick pita in some hummus dip the metaphor just said explores the region where i stuck my dick i pleaded him to fuck me harder. seeping, then a gush of it erupted my circumference like the screams, deep in my stomachs pit she loved it! yeah. she needs it. now i'm feeling so above her shit she's a fucking succubus the heat between us smothered like we're creases in an oven mitt Damn son, dope imagery . . One luv bro

11-10-2015, 05:46 AM	#5
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,938 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	I said in a AOWL thread that this was dope & yeah...one of the best pieces I've read on any forum in a long time.Whole thing is quotable, its just beautifully written...thought words choices were great, a dope verse in all aspects. Good shit man. Stay upwards wit it.

11-11-2015, 05:38 AM	#6
JESODIST Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 295 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 976836	Nice Intro Lotta rhyming in between the lines Some of your bars are are really long but after putting them together and finding the proper flow to it, It became really enjoyable. Don't know if the Red was supposed to mean the men and if the pink was supposed to mean the ladies but its quite a nice blend and also integrated throughout the whole verse.