Week 15: (3-10) 2tripple0 vs. (1-1) Exis - EXIS 4-0

Nigma · 11-04-2015, 10:44 PM

Exis, plenty of cool one liners and images, the verse as a whole had a slightly disconnected feel to it, lacked progression as a whole. Mechanically sound, a few awkwardly worded bits in there, 'I is' stands out to me :P. Even though portions read like a hype piece it was still enjoyable, just not as tangibly relatable or engrossing as something with a story driven progression.

2trip, your tone and vibe had a more storylike atmosphere but still lacked a piece of action, a scene in progress, something captivatingly interesting for me to grasp onto and enjoy. i feel like a method you could try is the write the last line of your verse first. make it something thought provoking, a good play on words with a deep bit of thought invested, and then write the rest of your verse building up to it, cause then you'd have something to work towards typa thing.

more consistently on topic by 2trip this time but he matched his opponents disconnectedness, and did so, in my opinion, with less consistent quality lines.

+1 Exis

11-04-2015, 10:44 PM	#7
Nigma The COAT... Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: BC, Canada Posts: 1,723 Battle Record: 28-20 Champed - Art of Writing League (x3) Rep Power: 4595813	Exis, plenty of cool one liners and images, the verse as a whole had a slightly disconnected feel to it, lacked progression as a whole. Mechanically sound, a few awkwardly worded bits in there, 'I is' stands out to me :P. Even though portions read like a hype piece it was still enjoyable, just not as tangibly relatable or engrossing as something with a story driven progression. 2trip, your tone and vibe had a more storylike atmosphere but still lacked a piece of action, a scene in progress, something captivatingly interesting for me to grasp onto and enjoy. i feel like a method you could try is the write the last line of your verse first. make it something thought provoking, a good play on words with a deep bit of thought invested, and then write the rest of your verse building up to it, cause then you'd have something to work towards typa thing. more consistently on topic by 2trip this time but he matched his opponents disconnectedness, and did so, in my opinion, with less consistent quality lines. +1 Exis __________________