Vividlyvague vs Rakontur - Vivid 3-2

UnbornBuddha · 10-29-2015, 04:10 PM

VV: A tale of a maniac who goes rogue, killing his doctor and then lurking coming to get his family. Part I was confused about was the mother, Ma Esther, was she in on it, or just a figment of the crazy man's imagination? It was morbid, but had this elegance to it I found. Especially at the end, where you focused less on the narrative and it became a bit more refined in the overall plot.

Rak: In some ways your writing is more crisp than VV's. Albeit, he has more of knack for storytelling, whereas you weave more metaphor into your verse, producing something more subtle. This seemed to be a tale of a lustrous female online predator, who seduced man in the vast sea of romance and then devouring them, whatever that entailed. You didn't go as much detail as VV, but in some ways painted a more lucid picture, even with a very short verse. It seems at the end she can deceive man, but has some form of deformities that she hides.

I feel this a close match. But, I enjoyed the nuances and language of Rak's more.
Vote: Rakontur

10-29-2015, 04:10 PM	#7
UnbornBuddha Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 1,008 Battle Record: 23-10 Champed - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 5 Rep Power: 23856379	VV: A tale of a maniac who goes rogue, killing his doctor and then lurking coming to get his family. Part I was confused about was the mother, Ma Esther, was she in on it, or just a figment of the crazy man's imagination? It was morbid, but had this elegance to it I found. Especially at the end, where you focused less on the narrative and it became a bit more refined in the overall plot. Rak: In some ways your writing is more crisp than VV's. Albeit, he has more of knack for storytelling, whereas you weave more metaphor into your verse, producing something more subtle. This seemed to be a tale of a lustrous female online predator, who seduced man in the vast sea of romance and then devouring them, whatever that entailed. You didn't go as much detail as VV, but in some ways painted a more lucid picture, even with a very short verse. It seems at the end she can deceive man, but has some form of deformities that she hides. I feel this a close match. But, I enjoyed the nuances and language of Rak's more. Vote: Rakontur