Spoken 0-4 vs. 2Tripple0 3-8 - SPOKEN WINS 4-0

MMLP · 10-22-2015, 10:53 AM

Triple – I really didn’t get into this man, the structure seemed all over the place. Upon second read I felt like I got a grasp of the story/ its message and it wasnt as bad as I’d originally thought. Being relatively new myself, I don’t think I have any right to this but honestly using a lot more multisyllabics on ending rhymes, wrapping your pieces in together would do wonders for your flow and structure, its all that’s missing really as your concepts aren’t that bad. A cool twist on the pic but it wasn’t executed as good as it could of been

Spoken – apart from the blatant ‘your and bare’ I wouldn’t say they were spelling errors, there seemed a few bits of sloppy typo’s, OTHER THAN THAT. This was dope, it felt quite cryptic (subtle hints throughout) it was a challenging read. Great concept and executed (almost) brilliantly. Fluent structure, comes together really well at the end. Flow and rhyming was sharp throughout. It’s something I tend to look out for and appreciate how hard it is to execute whilst maintaining a coherent story. Verse of the week contender in my eyes!

V/Spoken…. keep those pens moving guys!

10-22-2015, 10:53 AM	#7
MMLP Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 614 Battle Record: 15-16 Champed - Write Week 9 Rep Power: 9768091	Triple – I really didn’t get into this man, the structure seemed all over the place. Upon second read I felt like I got a grasp of the story/ its message and it wasnt as bad as I’d originally thought. Being relatively new myself, I don’t think I have any right to this but honestly using a lot more multisyllabics on ending rhymes, wrapping your pieces in together would do wonders for your flow and structure, its all that’s missing really as your concepts aren’t that bad. A cool twist on the pic but it wasn’t executed as good as it could of been Spoken – apart from the blatant ‘your and bare’ I wouldn’t say they were spelling errors, there seemed a few bits of sloppy typo’s, OTHER THAN THAT. This was dope, it felt quite cryptic (subtle hints throughout) it was a challenging read. Great concept and executed (almost) brilliantly. Fluent structure, comes together really well at the end. Flow and rhyming was sharp throughout. It’s something I tend to look out for and appreciate how hard it is to execute whilst maintaining a coherent story. Verse of the week contender in my eyes! V/Spoken…. keep those pens moving guys!