Week 13 Magazine: Your final shot

[Adonis]

~Video Interview:Lars and MMLP Live

~WEEK 12 REVIEWS~



Rakontur gets the close win over Flo Real 4-1


Rak – This verse was interesting to me. A wing eating contest isn't something you would think about reading in topical format, but the way you strung the story along in a battle field type veil was wise. The misdirection worked for me. Enjoyed the read you pussy ;)


Flo – That closer killed me, you would have got my vote off that alone. It's rare I literally chuckle audibly, but that line did the trick. As for the story, it was cool but way to short IMO. I like how Aladdin woke up suddenly in the beginning, this is a way to start mid story almost and just rapid fire action out. Which you did. I also liked how you gave the reader hope through the pride Aladdin had, the unwavering faith that he would be the one to make it. Not sure if he cut himself with his own axe or not, but for the sake of my own humor I'm going to say he did. You were very descriptive as far as the water scene goes. From the gasses being pushed out of the lungs, to the searing pain of frigid water literally sucking the life out of a man, to the dust (99% human skin or some shit after all) of the ones who failed the same escape. Dope verse, I really enjoyed the read and thought you earned the win.



YDK catches the L, MMLP wins 4-1


YDK – You wrote a short verse from the first person perspective so naturally this had plenty of emotion and passion and thought within it. I liked the conceptual execution of not being a zombie or drone like most of humanity, the “am I alive” theory. So you executed what you set out to do in flying colors. The only downside was this verse, or type of verse, is overkill and you didn't do much to seperate your work of art from a relative new comer. While this is not a bad verse, it is not great either. So well I enjoyed it, I think we both know this was more of a quick write then anything. Solid writing/mechanics as always though.


M&M – A verse about the coming of Messi. I really liked the style used. You used misdirection, opening with stars and earth and finishing with it all leading up to the birth of a god. I loved the bit about water as this is how he plays. I am a huge soccer (not football) fan so this struck a cord with me. The flow had decent pace and never strayed too far off while you kept laser focus in executing in clear as day fashion, a concept verse well penned.



2Tripple0 blanked by JESODIST 4-0


2k – God I love your persona, you really do bring me back to your namesake's time frame. What I don't love, is the all over the place and random wording and misdirection and not so subtle jumps in thought to paper and really, overall execution, this week that is. You seemed even less focused this time around, which is weird for me to say. From your nipples being sucked like a cow to whether or not we find you illiterate, you sprinkled in some humor, but even if the entire verse was solid banter you would have had a tough time climbing out of this hole you dug. You continue to write in one sitting, which isn't bad, only it seems your ADHD is beginning to take over because your focus and direction have been getting worse in the past few weeks. Fun read as always though, def not elite 2k though bruhv.


JESODIST – I think how you created two verses fully utilizing the provided topic, this was wise. You opened with an onslaught of multies and inners, you kept solid pace in that department but there were instances that simply couldn't blow the fire out on a candle in comparison, not say those portions were bad either, just not on the same level you dig? One problem I noticed more then once is a simple one, we have different accents and annunciation. When you go heavy rhyme scheme in counting syllables, this is more obvious, although I can't fault you for that, just wanted to put it out there. I enjoyed the verse about hell far greater than the one about god and heaven because evil verses will always get my vote over a heart felt topical. One last thing I will say about using a heavy rhyme scheme style is this, be careful not to get sucked into using words for the sake of flow and tossing meaning by the wayside such as.... “An Auspicious Holy Soul who's Meticulous Knows the Source”. This sentence just simply doesn't work. All in all, the read was a bit winded and I noticed my mind straying part way through, but you showed a well versed style in namely flow but also visually driven with enough description to paint bold images.


Mr. J rout over Spoken 4-0


Jay – I'm not sure about the beginning this week, it read as if it were on purpose, but the verse seemed like it started in the middle of the story. This is cool, but it through me off guard a bit if I'm honest. The story itself was ok, I liked how you mentioned “mom” and disappointed because this gave vital clues as to what was taking place and by whom. The mechanics overall were solid as usual, nothing really to complain about, and I can actually say I enjoyed this weeks flow more then usual, which is strange to say because each week you use a similar style, but still, this week was sound. This story is sorely missing some background or character build up, this would have given me a personal or emotional connection to one of the characters thus drawing me in a bit closer. But since it was missing all together, it was just a story in my eyes written in good flow and solid progression mid-way to end.


Spoken – First off, the simple errors ruined some really sound writing and lead-up to the finale. It's tough for me to read this verse again because you did not, so why should I? On second read, I notice you must have auto-corrected the same word multiple times, so the offense is not as great, but still noticeable and kills the cadence and flow and plot in my brain as I read on. There were major details left out obviously. What happened to the father exactly is a mystery. The only thing I know is he sacrificed something, I assume his life, to keep his family safe. A Cuban refugee who does what he does for the betterment of his wife, which is weird because she works at a brothel which to me is the opposite of betterment. In any case, the opening half or so was more detailed and far more poetic, I love when you utilize that style, it is your better side in my humble opinion. I can tell you ran out of time this week and rushed the end. Although I didn't particularly like the concept and direction in general, I wish you had more time to flesh it out because it is one that the potential to finish and begin on a high note given your attention to details style. Solid outing none the less.


A new champion is crowned: EtH squeaks by Nigma 4-3


Nigma – This was a cute verse, overly emotional and continually revolving around the softer side of life. I never was a big fan of these type of verses, I was just waiting for this guy to become a murderer or something. I give you props, writing a straight story with no shock value, just trying to get the win off merit and skill alone. But for me personally, these types of verses are just boring. I'm saying, I hate romantic and heart felt movies, they make me sleep. So while reading your verse I was able to admire and fully enjoy rhyme structure and execution and mechanics in general, the story just didn't connect with me.


EtH – Ewww, did you just hyphen a word because I'm too simple to catch the word play? BOOOO! Seriously though bro, not necessary, you are not a battler circa 99'. Anyways, in all seriousness I enjoyed this verse despite the repition which I didn't fully get. I mean, I didn't think it was necessary. Conceptually this is a super dope verse, but execution wise I am not a fan. I know having a character yell black hole was added with questions as well, but again, I feel like you dumbed it down for me. I for one, knew exactly where you were going once you mentioned hadron collider, I've watched dozens of docs on it and read plenty an article about it. Stocked for the re-fire up, shit is crazy. Finding what atoms are made of for a split second. Treading scary waters here, I hope they find the god particle and be done with it. After that, exploring deep space is all that is left. Maybe terraforming another planet, but wtf am I saying? Back to this verse, sorry for the scenic route, I get lost quick. So yeah, while I enjoyed the verse, especially the content, I just felt like there was an abundance lapsed judgment calls that I couldn't see as necessary. But looking past that, very nice cadence that did not falter and a verse that I rather liked.


Vividly Vague left standing in a close 6-4 win over Timeless


Vivid – I can't lie bro, kind of weird, reading about a dreamy guy written by another man. Ballsy though and I commend you. The story had a fun progression to it, there were a bunch of characters in such a small space and at times that can muddle or skew the plot line, but you did well. I loved the use of the screen shot or whatever you did, that gave this verse a nice wrap up. The structure kept pace with exception of a single line becoming a run on sentence that stretched an entire bar. This is not bad, but in this case, each bar were two seperate lines so when you toss one stretched line at me it comes out of left field. Also a typo near the end. All in all I enjoyed this verse. It read smooth mechanically and plot wise was stellar. Good shit.


Time – So the cadence was decent, but the story line was just not there for me. I feel like you took the easy route out given your topic, like you chose the first concept that popped into your head upon receiving it. You did have good character build up though, I’ll give you that. You showed the depression, but allowed the reader to realize the psychotic or looney tendencies of the male in the verse. Solid read, I just didn't like the end at all if I'm honest.



Frankie goes for the jugular in a 5-0 win over ULLR


Frank – WTF man? You went all out this week in thrilling fashion. You do this every now and again, write a straight story that moves well. But ever time you did this, much like that verse about A-rod, you loose focus at some point and the story misses it's mark in a certain area. This time though, the entire story was a difficult follow because of the time jumps, but that helped you disguise any error you may or may not have produced. Dope read, one of the better ones of the week honestly, second IMO behind Witty.


ULLR – I liked the final stanza a lot, you picked up pace and rhythm in this section and ran with the concept. Unfortunately the first two paragraphs were not as effective aside from build up, which is a huge part of a verse yes, but it lacked in comparison to your ending. This verse was about a soldier with PTS it seems? He viewed life as a slave and grew weary of the orders he did not believe, eventually leaping from a perch to his death. This was a good verse, and although the votes showed you were destroyed, this is actually my third or fourth favorite verse of the week. So you had a strong showing, just were out dueled conceptually this week.



Witty gets the shut out win over DearG 3-0


Witty – “One night I'm gay” was pure comedy my man, solid opener. This was a really good verse my man, from start to end. Given the amount of, eh, stuff you incorporated this verse was destined to be captivating. I mean ever line was a change of topic. Superb use of topic as well, you hit that nail right on the head. I have said this before, but you utilize a rather simple flow but you do so well, don't change it, some of the best on this site. While this time around it was not magnificent because I think it took you a while to get moving, it was still solid as fuck. Voters had this one correct.


DearG – You wrote a massive saga but there was supprisingly not as much action as you could have given the opportunity of the story. It was still, mostly the witch thinking or the narrator talking about her emotions and the why's and what for's. At points you were highly descriptive, but for the most part you were listing things which is not utilizing sound and feel and perception as much as you are merely talking. So in the end, I enjoyed this verse because the content pulled me in, but I'm not sure that I loved the execution. I think you could have trimmed a bunch of fat off of this verse and made it more sleek and compact, thus more effective. Decent read, but there is work to be done IMO.

~No Show Shine~

GodComplex – I notice you write about god often, and by often you tend to mention religion in every few verses or so then have a verse about religion all together every now and again. That opening stanza was deep as shit man, class writing and execution. The concept of god explaining why is a touchy one, and you executed it perfectly, giving me much depth while keeping a patterned flow, all while conceptually owning the idea mentioned above. The ending contained even deeper thoughts, a world with no god, seems about right, like right now. This is a classic verse in my eyes because you tackled a very heavy concept and to me, the execution, although elite, isn't even the highlight. The best part about this verse is it's complexity and yet it's simplicity. You gave a voice to a entity while encapsulating a breed in few words. I liked the fact that you kept the focal point on God as opposed to having him berate human kinds multitude of errors. Thank you for the read, this is one of the top verses of this season in my eyes.


Asylum – This verse was dope man, purely based off action and ruthless battle, a verse that didn't keep pace but accelerated until it was over. I really did enjoy this one brother. I always mention the poetical vibe I get while reading your verses but this week you gave hints of it overlapped by a cadence and rhythm of imagery and battle all coming together to form a very complete verse. A story of a interstellar battle where a character drops from his ship to a foreign land and eventually goes off and murks souls. Top notch shit right here, one of my personal favorites of the week.