Half Wit It 0-0 Exis 0-0 - OPEN FOR FEED

Adonis · 10-18-2015, 12:02 AM

AOWL Season V, Week 13

SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
Tuesday at 9 P.M. Pacific/West Coast or Tuesday 11:59 PM Eastern / 6:00 AM Wednesday Central European/London
There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Friday at 4:00 p.m. Western / or Friday 7:00 PM Eastern / 1:00 AM Saturday Central European/London Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.

All competitors must vote on THREE battles

Read the full rules here!

Topic:

G/Luck

@Half Wit It @Exis

Exis · 10-18-2015, 03:03 AM

Are you fuckin' shittin' me lol...I'm against my nigga?

I won't even get a vote , he'll destroy me...especially with a pic right up his alley, fuck is wrong with y'all smh.

Half Wit It · 10-18-2015, 08:08 PM

I forgot all about this...I was drunk...

I'll try to show.

Nah, it's not like that Ex lol.
Look at it as a a collab my nigga.

Exis · 10-19-2015, 08:58 PM

Well here we go then lol...good luck bro.

Ayo,

She's obsessive
she needs him
yet suppresses her feelings
Ella stares vacantly out a window that's drenched as an expressionless being
with her index finger she writes a message
that'll get deleted
after only several seconds of leavin' it
saying ' I'm gonna end shit this evening '
wishin' the pane of glass she stands before would shatter completely
and she gets shredded to pieces
see Ella is broken hearted,
but the guy she thinks her heart is broken over really doesn't exist
it's just a friggin' fiction figure she's done made up in her wig
deluded,
confused
girl moves to the bathroom
removin' both shoes
in the most unusual of fashions
stumblin' her way down the hall
Ella finally makes it to bed
where she falls awkwardly backwards onto the mattress all bent
reaches across with her right hand
to get a knife from the night stand
transfers it to her left in one action
like she's ambidextrous but hasn't
fuckin' realised she isn't,
the ceiling is spinnin'
Ella's feelin' weird
really different
she's clearly not Wit It
her doc's in need of a visit
he always pray the outlook is brighter even if it's the middle of winter
intrigued so she listens,
she can hear the rain peltin' down as the electricity flickers
gettin' ready to fatally go
she puts the blade to her throat
doesn't understand she's embracin' a ghost as she's erased in a stroke
bit like an Ex does to bitches when he leaves 'em dead with a written
the only outcome achievable is where you end up the victim
pity you can't ask Ella 'bout this here
as she actually knows,
what it is literally like to be fuckin' played by one's dome.

The Law · 10-22-2015, 07:01 AM

Exis - The storyline and approach you took was pretty dope. Loved the way you ended it off. The imagery was nice as well, describing her message on the glass and that it disappears. Electricity line is another example of good imagery and use of descriptive words. For the most part the drop had a good rhythm, however, there was a few hiccups in the flow, at least for me while I was reading it. Other than that it was a solid drop with a good progressive storyline. A more what's happening in the moment approach than giving your character a background story throughout. Nice job.

10-18-2015, 12:02 AM	#1
Adonis Tsk Tsk Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Beer Goggles Posts: 4,834 Battle Record: 36-34 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - NFL Pick'em 2016-17 Rep Power: 9946449	Half Wit It 0-0 Exis 0-0 - OPEN FOR FEED AOWL Season V, Week 13 SUMMARY OF RULES: Verses are due Tuesday at 9 P.M. Pacific/West Coast or Tuesday 11:59 PM Eastern / 6:00 AM Wednesday Central European/London There are NO extensions. Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words). Votes are due Friday at 4:00 p.m. Western / or Friday 7:00 PM Eastern / 1:00 AM Saturday Central European/London Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week. All competitors must vote on THREE battles Read the full rules here! Topic: G/Luck @Half Wit It @Exis __________________ I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR Last edited by Adonis; 10-21-2015 at 09:37 PM.

10-18-2015, 08:08 PM	#3
Half Wit It Nalyubuites Join Date: Jun 2014 Posts: 449 Battle Record: 1-2 Rep Power: 4465335	I forgot all about this...I was drunk... I'll try to show. Nah, it's not like that Ex lol. Look at it as a a collab my nigga. __________________

10-22-2015, 07:01 AM	#5
The Law Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Posts: 86 Battle Record: 3-2 Rep Power: 238319	Exis - The storyline and approach you took was pretty dope. Loved the way you ended it off. The imagery was nice as well, describing her message on the glass and that it disappears. Electricity line is another example of good imagery and use of descriptive words. For the most part the drop had a good rhythm, however, there was a few hiccups in the flow, at least for me while I was reading it. Other than that it was a solid drop with a good progressive storyline. A more what's happening in the moment approach than giving your character a background story throughout. Nice job. __________________

10-18-2015, 03:03 AM	#2
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,934 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	Are you fuckin' shittin' me lol...I'm against my nigga? I won't even get a vote , he'll destroy me...especially with a pic right up his alley, fuck is wrong with y'all smh.

10-19-2015, 08:58 PM	#4
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,934 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	Well here we go then lol...good luck bro. Ayo, She's obsessive she needs him yet suppresses her feelings Ella stares vacantly out a window that's drenched as an expressionless being with her index finger she writes a message that'll get deleted after only several seconds of leavin' it saying ' I'm gonna end shit this evening ' wishin' the pane of glass she stands before would shatter completely and she gets shredded to pieces see Ella is broken hearted, but the guy she thinks her heart is broken over really doesn't exist it's just a friggin' fiction figure she's done made up in her wig deluded, confused girl moves to the bathroom removin' both shoes in the most unusual of fashions stumblin' her way down the hall Ella finally makes it to bed where she falls awkwardly backwards onto the mattress all bent reaches across with her right hand to get a knife from the night stand transfers it to her left in one action like she's ambidextrous but hasn't fuckin' realised she isn't, the ceiling is spinnin' Ella's feelin' weird really different she's clearly not Wit It her doc's in need of a visit he always pray the outlook is brighter even if it's the middle of winter intrigued so she listens, she can hear the rain peltin' down as the electricity flickers gettin' ready to fatally go she puts the blade to her throat doesn't understand she's embracin' a ghost as she's erased in a stroke bit like an Ex does to bitches when he leaves 'em dead with a written the only outcome achievable is where you end up the victim pity you can't ask Ella 'bout this here as she actually knows, what it is literally like to be fuckin' played by one's dome.