Vividlyvague vs Timeless - VIVID 6-4

[sral]

AOWL Season V, Week 12


SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
Tuesday at 9 p.m. Pacific/West Coast or Tuesday 11:59 PM Eastern / 6:00 AM Wednesday Central European/London
There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Friday at 4:00 p.m. Western / or Friday 7:00 PM Eastern / 1:00 AM Saturday Central European/London Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.

All competitors must vote on THREE battles and post links/ references in the voting thread.

Read the full rules here!



Topic: In the house with two girls, the cats die of thirst.
Folk Saying
@Vividlyvague

[timeless]

Dope topic

When are verses due @sraL

[sral]

Tuesday afternoon UK time (12 midday)

I'll edit the rules in later, still half asleep, just woke up!

[e11even]

We meet again Timeless.
http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=121386
http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=121397
http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=121387
http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=121384

[timeless]

Originally Posted by Vividlyvague

We meet again Timeless.

What's been good? I might need a 24 hour ext if possible @Vividlyvague @sraL

[e11even]

They're the American pie... gorgeous like finales on 4 of July,
Dandelion and plumeria huntresses... Irises that resemble our skies.
Purity of the seraphim kind... But, as always, the detriment's high
For all who oppose their love for one guy-
QB and team captain- Andrew DeSilva "The Sly"
He was so dreamy and hulking, but eased on the eye.
Chocolate locks hung off his forehead... A God in disguise.
One thing was for sure... Amy and Angela, the sisters divine,
Both yearned for the same lusting thrusts that he would provide.
Angela poked his Facebook... Amy got some FaceTime...
They both were juggled on Oovoo... And sent him pics of their... thighs.
There was an opposition once... The abominable Susan Heide.
She was full of candor. And if told to recant, you'd be the first one to fry.
That is, until she disappeared from school leaving no traces or signs.
Andrew was distraught. He cooperated with police, but never managed a find.
Two years later, he's an eligible fare... and the twins hoped him one hell of a ride...
"Amy, he's mine! I invited him over. Make yourself scarce so that I
can woo him into my room for the greatest night of our lives! "
" No, because when he comes I'll greet him and we'll spend quality time! "
The fight ensues. One knock at the door and the feud's at full rise.
Mascara, blush, perfume... The fumes fly as the two glide to be glued to this guy.
Amy clips Angela coming out her room, " Bye! "
A swift kick to the womb pries Amy of the food she consumed prior.
"You skank!" Amy shrieks as the two fight into the nook with two knives.
"He doesn't want you Angela... I knew you'd lose sight...
We were supposed to help me get him when we snubbed lil Suze, right?"
Amy paused and Angela sneered. They both lunged like feudal knights.
"I'll never play second to you twice! " Amy screamed as the two threw strikes.
Now locked shoulder to abdomen in poetic symmetry, the two lose pints.
Andrew opened the door overhearing the two, and the news was too right.
He inched over to the dying girls, iPhone out, snapping a new Vine,
"Revenge is best served twice... " while smiling he typed in a few lines...

[timeless]

'Please tell me, how do I make myself feel better than most?'
You can hang yourself, as long as you feel pleasure in ropes.
'That's too easy, please heal me I'm not measured in hope.'
Just let yourself be free, coast into the zephyr that blows.
With death, we know that its great huge valley looms unseen.
With life left, I sent requests for fate to carry you upstream.
Galley ran by a touchscreen, afterlife with the tap of a finger.
She said, 'I'd rather blow my brains out' and latched to a trigger.

I left her body adrift in the middle of the kitchen floor.
I sat with her for days, bewildered as I sip my Coors.
An elixir born and lost with each passing moment.
Tried to navigate away from the scene but my map was broken.
I laughed unfocused, not noticing the cat entered the room.
She purred in stride, felt no need to tend to her mood.
I reached and bent for her food, yet she showed no interest.
That's when I noticed that my sister's body looked different,
Every bit of her except for the bones were missing.
That must be why the cat's nose was dripping... with blood.


@sraL @Vividlyvague

[Frank]

Vividlyvague

well, well, well, well......look who the cat dragged in LOL Motherfucker where you been at? People used to say this guy was me.......... Couldn't see it???? I just got back into town myself.... your looking good..... You don't even really write tropicals..... you quotation..... nobody quotations there way through a verse like you do LOL......... feel like i read this before??????? anyways your back and this story shows it. What a bitch these characters were....Wow..... You got some flare kid. Good to see you around.......Your shits tighter then before.....Later alligator.......

TIMELESS

THATS WHO......I like what you did here.....I also like what you did there....Two completely different stanzas my friend.......Touchscreen???? nOT SURE WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED...... But I like the way you wrote about the cat like I did... so you get a little brownie point LOL......Yeah I'm left scratching my head.....CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHAT JUST HAPPENED IN TIMELESS PIECE ANYBODY

OK MVGT VV

[Dearg]

Vivid, I'm mixed on this piece. Though it is somewhat creative I still feel troubled connecting with the concept on a personal level and some of the wording in the piece. It almost seemed more like a hipster kinda piece or someone just kinda dwelling over pussy lol. Besides a couple lines, on a technical aspect, the writing was pretty nice. Rhyme scheme was consistent though could've been a bit more creative. Overall a good read, just not a personal preference in style and concept choice.

Timeless, another nice read from you fella. I really felt the wording on this was smooth and couldn't find any lines that made me want to bicker or nit pick. From start to finish it remained fluent. Concept wasn't anything spectacular but I clicked with it a bit more than Vivid's. Flow was definitely nice. Rhyme scheme felt a bit more creative than Vivid's. Overall a good read.

Vote Timeless, just preferred his more. Could go either way.

[Mr. J]

One thing was for sure... Amy and Angela, the sisters divine,
Both yearned for the same lusting thrusts that he would provide.
Angela poked his Facebook... Amy got some FaceTime...
They both were juggled on Oovoo... And sent him pics of their... thighs.
There was an opposition once... The abominable Susan Heide.
^^^^
I had to stop reading a sec to point out that I really enjoyed this section
one thing I hate about topicals is having a wide array of characters and making it work
right here you juggle everything really well while adding a certain flare thats enjoyable
I feel like you got off to a good start here...after finishing I felt what carried on was too repetitive for my liking
I mean I enjoy how the story carries on so smooth, but that opening convo was tough on me
especially the way you worked it in with your flow, tis dope, but that kind of drew me back

I left her body adrift in the middle of the kitchen floor.
I sat with her for days, bewildered as I sip my Coors.
An elixir born and lost with each passing moment.
Tried to navigate away from the scene but my map was broken.
I laughed unfocused
^^^^
I thought this was pretty dope right here, I didnt enjoy the beginning
i felt kind of lost for a second, so I had to read this a few times which is good for its shortness
you really caught me with the second section of your verse which I thought was nice
you used some smooth transitioning as you stepped into a weird world
what kept me looking for answers were your mechanics you really put together a cool verse
my issue is how much is unsaid here...dope work though

v/This one is a tough one for me, both of the styles are different & show here
I really enjoyed what I read from both parties although there can be only one victor
with that being said, I enjoyed Vivids verse but it had flaws after the quoted portion above
regardless, he juggled characters in his story which added a smooth effect, through a picture in as many do now...
and really showed us what he is capable of when he brings some focus to the table...
on the other hand we have timeless, an odd fellow to most, or maybe just me...
but thats beside the point soooooo, before I proceed I just want to say your verse was nice
it didnt showcase a lot but it sure packed a punch which I enjoyed, you used some cool concepts
played with the style and really just made me enjoy your verse, it worked...I dont know what to say other then read timeless verse ya know...



v/timeless

[The Law]

VV - I thought it was an okay take on the topic. Solid writing for the most part, read smooth minus a couple of bars, and had some decent imagery throughout the verse. Gotta admit I am not a fan of using a picture to really push your verse over in a battle. In Open mic or whatever it is here as a creative standing it can work great. But in a battle, at least IMO this is about your overall writing and I thought the picture was relied on to close this piece out too much. You wouldn't have connected the whole topic in your drop if it wasn't for the picture. Decent verse though, nothing jaw dropping but enough for a solid read.

Timeless - Started off pretty slow in the first part of it. I thought the second part had a better progressive story. Albeit the topic wasn't tapped into with the fullest in your verse. The scene you painted with cat was cool but didn't really touch into cats' dying of thirst. It almost seemed like it ended too quick as well like there were parts in the story that was missing. Writing wise it was solid, decent schemes and flowed well.

MVGT: VV - Connected better with the topic, better story progression.. etc.

[asylum]

vv - that shit was dope bro. your storyline as well as mechanics were very strong here.
flow was super sick too. you really took your style in a solid direction with this piece.
after a couple reads i'm definitely feeling it. that last picture just gave a solid feel to everything. like this was a project of substance. unorthodox but cool as fuck.
favorite line..
"Amy paused and Angela sneered. They both lunged like feudal knights."
lol.
timeless- i enjoyed your mechanics and flow for the most part all the way through. plot was a little twisted. it felt like you were just poking around on some philosophical shit, then boom. dead bitch , middle of the floor. homies killing a 30 pack, smoking his last cigarette. wat do? idk. weird piece man. pretty fucking cool tho.

/vv took this with overall content and delivery. although timeless' concept was pretty dope, vv told a cool story and sounded better when he did it. that about sums it up.

[Adonis]

vivid up +1

leaving this open until the championship gets efficient votes

[Adonis]

@Nigma @EtH

lets wrap this week up please, i'm trying to get you votes so if you have time return the favor and drop one here

[UnbornBuddha]

VV: Your story was interesting, a love affair involving murder, sibling rivalry, and revenge essentially. I also enjoyed the flow of this, very rhythmic to me. It had a humorous tone to it, never taking itself too serious.

Timeless: Your story was weird to say the least. But, I found it highly entertaining and while the first stanza simply unraveled the scene, I felt the second you took the show, so to speak. I think the second stanza while strange, especially how you decided to end it, was still something that left a lasting impression.

Vote: Timeless

[2tripple0]

aye ive also got timeless winning again for many of the same reasons that have been plaguing this league from the beginning.......I just felt he had more intelligent rapping and was a lot closer to the topic and he was just doper all the way round.... just my opinion but I felt like vividlyvague just built his verse off of a rhyme scheme whereas timeless had a storyline and interesting facts a long the way......I mean I get vv story er wateva about a football player getting hustled by two bitches but for me I just thought he could have used a bit more head game in order to stack the w in my mind.......so aye im going to give my vote to timeless....



vote: timeless

[Adonis]

Longer version in mag

V/VV

Timeless was out matched in my eyes but a more complete verse. You each provided a solid drop, but I really didn't like the finale in Time's while I loved the use of social media in Vivid's plus didn't mind nor see the revenge factor coming into play.

[Systemic Infection]

Vote - VividlyVague

I thought Viv had an interesting way of crafting his verse around the dark side of social media and also managed to write in a more refined way than Timeless did. I believe that the content difference plays a part in my vote, as well.

[Spoken]

The craft of both showed here as one took to cohesive characters while the other embodied a persona.... V ur writing has always had this lingering aura that shows its a verse by u and I think its the cultivating wording u patronize ur concept with. Its a take of 2 for the outcome of one. The little insight of current time lapse is cool just felt it was a little drag and could have been taken better concept wise but ur mechanics is what makes your writing. Timeless your rhythm and pportrayed emotion is what tends to make your verse stand out. The way u disrupted and kept it in tone was great.... the topic itself was tricky but Intel u went the typical seams but unfolded it quite differently which is what kept me going.

Both came nice tbh.... but as far as reading it as a complete verse I gotta go with..... VV