Vividlyvague vs Timeless - VIVID 6-4

The Law · 10-15-2015, 10:06 PM

VV - I thought it was an okay take on the topic. Solid writing for the most part, read smooth minus a couple of bars, and had some decent imagery throughout the verse. Gotta admit I am not a fan of using a picture to really push your verse over in a battle. In Open mic or whatever it is here as a creative standing it can work great. But in a battle, at least IMO this is about your overall writing and I thought the picture was relied on to close this piece out too much. You wouldn't have connected the whole topic in your drop if it wasn't for the picture. Decent verse though, nothing jaw dropping but enough for a solid read.

Timeless - Started off pretty slow in the first part of it. I thought the second part had a better progressive story. Albeit the topic wasn't tapped into with the fullest in your verse. The scene you painted with cat was cool but didn't really touch into cats' dying of thirst. It almost seemed like it ended too quick as well like there were parts in the story that was missing. Writing wise it was solid, decent schemes and flowed well.

MVGT: VV - Connected better with the topic, better story progression.. etc.

10-15-2015, 10:06 PM	#11
The Law Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Posts: 86 Battle Record: 3-2 Rep Power: 238319	VV - I thought it was an okay take on the topic. Solid writing for the most part, read smooth minus a couple of bars, and had some decent imagery throughout the verse. Gotta admit I am not a fan of using a picture to really push your verse over in a battle. In Open mic or whatever it is here as a creative standing it can work great. But in a battle, at least IMO this is about your overall writing and I thought the picture was relied on to close this piece out too much. You wouldn't have connected the whole topic in your drop if it wasn't for the picture. Decent verse though, nothing jaw dropping but enough for a solid read. Timeless - Started off pretty slow in the first part of it. I thought the second part had a better progressive story. Albeit the topic wasn't tapped into with the fullest in your verse. The scene you painted with cat was cool but didn't really touch into cats' dying of thirst. It almost seemed like it ended too quick as well like there were parts in the story that was missing. Writing wise it was solid, decent schemes and flowed well. MVGT: VV - Connected better with the topic, better story progression.. etc. __________________