Razah 5-3 vs NYCSPITZ 3-1 - RAZAH 6-3

e11even · 10-10-2015, 02:19 PM

Razah- aspiring master counseling the beginner?? This was very well written from a technical pov. I liked the Rhymes and transitions a lot. This is no amateur work, though it is not perfect. I read this a few times throughout the week and never really got around to voting on it, but every read made the verse a little better to me. Good job bro.

Nyc- dope drop. I'm a fan of narratives and even more a fan of seemless rhyming in narratives. My problem is some of the awkward lines in here:
When a cultural abomination occured - dissing the elderly...
so Oshin disabled its maker. etc
This was a cool Kung fu classic style story, but the ending feels incomplete and it doesn't come off as final as what I would have expected from this topic. But maybe this was intentional. Good job either way :)

I enjoyed Razah's for the technical rhyming and concise crafting and I liked NYC's story, even though the story didn't quite end right for me. MVGT RAZAH for what I believe was the overall slightly better verse with less flaws. Thanks for showing guys.

10-10-2015, 02:19 PM	#1
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247259	Razah- aspiring master counseling the beginner?? This was very well written from a technical pov. I liked the Rhymes and transitions a lot. This is no amateur work, though it is not perfect. I read this a few times throughout the week and never really got around to voting on it, but every read made the verse a little better to me. Good job bro. Nyc- dope drop. I'm a fan of narratives and even more a fan of seemless rhyming in narratives. My problem is some of the awkward lines in here: When a cultural abomination occured - dissing the elderly... so Oshin disabled its maker. etc This was a cool Kung fu classic style story, but the ending feels incomplete and it doesn't come off as final as what I would have expected from this topic. But maybe this was intentional. Good job either way :) I enjoyed Razah's for the technical rhyming and concise crafting and I liked NYC's story, even though the story didn't quite end right for me. MVGT RAZAH for what I believe was the overall slightly better verse with less flaws. Thanks for showing guys. __________________ Ahem.