Spoken 0-2 vs Dearg 0-0 - DEARG WINS 5-1

[Dearg]

In the beginning it was hard, defending my heart,
just pretending not to scar- depending on the art.
Submitting to the sharks swimming toward my star,
everything I'd written, bitten and torn apart.

When the water cleared and my daughter appeared,
I felt stronger, rear views showed monsters and fear.
Writing until sleep, I'm simply fighting to eat,
surviving on dreams, envy and dying to sing.
My lungs are the sword that drums in my war,
love is the award as my blood calms the storm.
Worrying about my family, working's a calamity,
hurting for sympathy, empathy burning and damaging.
Foreclosure around the corner, drowning over and over,
shoulders grounded like boulders, traveling like soldiers and rovers.
I told her daddy was getting older, going forward gets colder,
she said "we are getting closer," showing bolder composure.

I got a gig in Dublin, thirty minutes in front of six hundred,
my stomach strugglin', cemented my love with intense function.
The sound of my heart surrounds the dark,
I'm bound by the stars... I've found my art.

The lights dim as the night spins,
while my mic sits below my eyelids.
My life gives me these divine gifts,
a surprise stemming from deprived rifts.
I sip my whiskey, my lips gripping,
my lyrics whistling, the silence bending.
Spirits whispering through a quiet city,
visions glistening like an iris dripping.
Fingertips strumming the instrument's tummy,
a tenderness humming like a mothership; lovely.
My deliverance is stunning like wilderness honey,
the crowd sings my words- a lyricist's one dream.

[Sovereign]

SOVEREIGN'S VOTE ON BATTLE: Dearg vs Spoken

Dearg: This one didn't try to be metaphorical or deep or poetic at all; you just told a story. That's fine, but what wasn't fine about this verse was the awful rhyming. Almost every other multi set was broken; that level of awfulness makes a verse unreadable.

The story itself? Meh. It was just about the most obvious thing that anyone could have imagined for this topic, coupled with basic and poorly-thought-out emotional ploys, such as the mentions of a hard life and a loving daughter.

I'll also give a special mention to this line:

Originally Posted by Dearg

Fingertips strumming the instrument's tummy,

as the most unintentionally hilarious thing I've read in a long time. Final Score: 7/20

Spoken: You went for a more metaphorical angle than your opponent, but I wasn't feeling it. Actually, scratch that - what the hell was this even? What did it mean? How does this connect with the picture/text... wut da fuq is dis?

The rhyming was weak; less broken than your opponent's, but less complex as well, and still had issues with bad multies. More importantly though, even though I found meaning in this, I felt like I was overthinking the lines and reading it in. Maybe that was your intention, maybe it wasn't. But in the end, this seemed overwrought at best. Final Score: 8/20

Final Thoughts: Both were weak but I enjoyed one slightly more.

Spoken gets my vote over Dearg (8 - 7)