Week 13 Championship: sraL vs. Destroyer - (sraL defends title)

Vulgar · 09-29-2015, 12:46 AM

sraL - I find this to be more successful than your other ventures in this league so far because you didn't spell everything out for the reader. The end wasn't hammered home with 6 or so lines detailing how it all wraps up in the end in an intriguing way. You showed us instead with two simple veering lines - a man commits homicide when he mentally resurrects as a new man. Very nice concept, executed well I might add. It was a smooth read through and through. The narration - as seems to be the case in most of your pieces - does tend to be clinging to a sense of anonymity. The characters are rarely distinct, assuming 'universal' identities. In this poem, a sinning man. Not a 63 year old Russian coal miner, nor a recovering alcoholic with leukemia from Lithuania. It's a sort of 'default' character on a canvas that you use as an opportunity to flip something for the readers. A good offering, nonetheless. Keep it up, braggot.

Destroyer - I garnered a blunt sense of power from a cultural example. I don't know how close to home the hurricane Katrina event was in your life, or if you were writing a poem about it to explore some of the human reactions and consequences of it. You made it mildly convincing, I'd say. I really don't like how user names influence how I read poetry though. I see you and Lars as humorous characters, for example, and maybe this affects how I read your poems... at least 3% at least. Gah. Well, it was an interesting experimental style from you. It was composed with rhymes, as is customary. My main criticism for the piece is that it needed a little more atmosphere. Sure, the ingredients were there, an environment reminiscent of 28 Days Later. Hurricane stricken Louisiana intruded, and images of blood, flesh, and hands. I thought it needed something extra, or maybe a greater binding 'contract' holding everything together.

My vote goes to sraL. I thought it was his best work in the league so far.

09-29-2015, 12:46 AM	#4
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	sraL - I find this to be more successful than your other ventures in this league so far because you didn't spell everything out for the reader. The end wasn't hammered home with 6 or so lines detailing how it all wraps up in the end in an intriguing way. You showed us instead with two simple veering lines - a man commits homicide when he mentally resurrects as a new man. Very nice concept, executed well I might add. It was a smooth read through and through. The narration - as seems to be the case in most of your pieces - does tend to be clinging to a sense of anonymity. The characters are rarely distinct, assuming 'universal' identities. In this poem, a sinning man. Not a 63 year old Russian coal miner, nor a recovering alcoholic with leukemia from Lithuania. It's a sort of 'default' character on a canvas that you use as an opportunity to flip something for the readers. A good offering, nonetheless. Keep it up, braggot. Destroyer - I garnered a blunt sense of power from a cultural example. I don't know how close to home the hurricane Katrina event was in your life, or if you were writing a poem about it to explore some of the human reactions and consequences of it. You made it mildly convincing, I'd say. I really don't like how user names influence how I read poetry though. I see you and Lars as humorous characters, for example, and maybe this affects how I read your poems... at least 3% at least. Gah. Well, it was an interesting experimental style from you. It was composed with rhymes, as is customary. My main criticism for the piece is that it needed a little more atmosphere. Sure, the ingredients were there, an environment reminiscent of 28 Days Later. Hurricane stricken Louisiana intruded, and images of blood, flesh, and hands. I thought it needed something extra, or maybe a greater binding 'contract' holding everything together. My vote goes to sraL. I thought it was his best work in the league so far.