Spoken vs. EtH - ETH 5-3

Nigma · 09-23-2015, 08:19 PM

EdM, this was a cool verse, lots to like about it. How the title worded in contrast with the way you began and ended the verse was cool. Imagery being born in the intro was cool. Lots of the wording was interesting throughout. The stygian mess part was memorable. I liked the mother involvement and the metaphor to youth however I think you went back and forth on it in a way that didn't work too well. It was unique in that sometimes youd be on the battlefield with engines roaring, which doesn't have any metaphorical value to the opposing side of your verse, and other times you'd be too upset to play with your toys kinda thing, which didn't have an adjacent comparison on the other side. Long winded especially for how little it effected the read but its something I wanted to point out and is hard to describe. Overall crisp read (although i ran into more problems reading it in a different accent than your other pieces) and strong thoughtful delivery.

Spoken, another well written verse. Strong wording. There were several lines that were standout awesome for me. Really liked the whole bridge over streams bar. Conceptually you took a safe-stab linear approach. Knew where you wanted to start, knew where you wanted to finish, and built the road between with a consistent flow and some stand out lines. Only critique I have for the verse would be more forethought into the concept but I think I recall you saying you were strapped for time which would explain it.

Both had enjoyable reads which is always nice for the reader. A battle that comes down to personal preference I guess. Although I respect the approach of Spoken and the proficiency of his mechanics used, I feel EsP brought a bigger tickletruck of assets to his verse with subtle nuances throughout, including, but not limited to his intro/close and the weaving between metaphorical perspectives.

+1 EhD

09-23-2015, 08:19 PM	#9
Nigma The COAT... Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: BC, Canada Posts: 1,723 Battle Record: 28-20 Champed - Art of Writing League (x3) Rep Power: 4595813	EdM, this was a cool verse, lots to like about it. How the title worded in contrast with the way you began and ended the verse was cool. Imagery being born in the intro was cool. Lots of the wording was interesting throughout. The stygian mess part was memorable. I liked the mother involvement and the metaphor to youth however I think you went back and forth on it in a way that didn't work too well. It was unique in that sometimes youd be on the battlefield with engines roaring, which doesn't have any metaphorical value to the opposing side of your verse, and other times you'd be too upset to play with your toys kinda thing, which didn't have an adjacent comparison on the other side. Long winded especially for how little it effected the read but its something I wanted to point out and is hard to describe. Overall crisp read (although i ran into more problems reading it in a different accent than your other pieces) and strong thoughtful delivery. Spoken, another well written verse. Strong wording. There were several lines that were standout awesome for me. Really liked the whole bridge over streams bar. Conceptually you took a safe-stab linear approach. Knew where you wanted to start, knew where you wanted to finish, and built the road between with a consistent flow and some stand out lines. Only critique I have for the verse would be more forethought into the concept but I think I recall you saying you were strapped for time which would explain it. Both had enjoyable reads which is always nice for the reader. A battle that comes down to personal preference I guess. Although I respect the approach of Spoken and the proficiency of his mechanics used, I feel EsP brought a bigger tickletruck of assets to his verse with subtle nuances throughout, including, but not limited to his intro/close and the weaving between metaphorical perspectives. +1 EhD __________________