2triple0 vs. Flo Real - FLO [4-1]

[Flow]

At first its for that ecstacy, shared with everyone next to me
Thirst for the treasure as we stare at the board expecting destiny
In a state of broken reverie as the system exits me to gloom
Memory of what could of been, hoplessness and agony consume
Im twisting as my stomach is turning, my ears are burning
Whispering a quiver as my lips slither out a yelp, a puppet thats hurting
Im concerning my kids as i scour my pockets for hits
Instead of coins i have fluffy inconsolable bits that are the exact value of shit

If your going through hell keep going..... Winston Churchill

I leap for my card and dart for the nearest cash machine
Past clarity i push through the mass of dilluded dreams
I seem to think i can make it back if i only play again
Overdraft.... no worries ill win and wont worry til then
The same extactic feeling washes over my mind and body
An amazing automatic switch to elation from sighs of worry
Then the haze lifts as the signs signal cash or bust and crash is must
Its a feeling of lust cus i still want to return despite the deepest of cuts
Ill feed my addiction with the banks money until i have to steal
An infliction to never learn better, cuts may scar deep but the skin will heal

Tell me im wrong but i bet im right

[Razah]

Originally Posted by 2tripple0

and you know i can film this as if it was a movie
your all just actors in my universal studio and its all about money

gonna find the nugget inside this information because its like folgers
because im digging in the roots and building dams like i was an otter

since its funny how every person needs 3 meals a day
there cant possibly be enough food to supply everyone with a plate

Movie/money not rhyming threw me off from the jump. Folgers / otter.. again, why not use words that rhyme??

I liked the 3 meals a day / plate line, that was cool. Besides a few lines, this seems very sporadic / not relating to the topic. I feel you're using a bunch of similes that don't necessarily improve the piece as a whole. I laughed out loud when I saw the like a cramp line, like- What the hell was that doing in this verse? You're a trooper though. You don't get discouraged and you keep writing. Not the best verse I've seen from you, not the worse either. I feel like you need to better conceptualize everything. I also hate giving advice because there's times I don't follow my own advice, so yeah.. Anyways, I think you should cut the fat on your bars, there's a lot of 'ands' 'buts' etc that would make things sound a little smoother. I just don't really understand how this related to the topic. Sorry.

Originally Posted by Flo Real

In a state of broken reverie as the system exits me to gloom
Memory of what could of been, hoplessness and agony consume

I liked that couplet. I don't think I've read a verse from you before, but this was okay. The flow of it was a lot better than 2000, so was the wording. Also, it related to the topic a lot more than 2000's verse.


If 2000 would have had a verse more directed towards the topic, I think he would have got this match. Maybe I just don't understand it, I don't know. But, for that reason, Im'a have to vote for

vFlo Real