Wek 8: 2Tripple0 2-4 vs. Timeless 1-2 [Timeless 5-0]

Flow · 09-16-2015, 10:28 AM

Trip... you been active for a really long time though before my sabbatical you were a battler and to be honest i never thought you were great for it so its good to see you going for the topical style. That being said this was really below par. I think you can do better but only if you want too. Think on the things when you write.

A theme or concept.
Perhaps your writing about being in jail and the difficulties of having to watch your back and be careful what you say and to who but metaphorically your also talking about this site and your actual bars you dropping.

Rhyme
You using an end word rhyme system. Mix it up. Analyze a eminem verse. He will literally have 3 types of rhymes but throughout the entire verse... as in every word he writes will rhyme not just the end word or even one or two in the middle but every word. Not saying to do that but you get the picture.

Content and vocab
English language is huge and your not even limited to the language. Plus you could make use of its many homophones etc to really add a touch of smarts to the verse. Finally think about what your saying and make it more real and deep. No one here enjoys the gang banger i dont care id fuck you up an tail whip you approach.

Anyways. Vote timeless. I only needed to read two bars to know. @timeless solid drop son was a nice read enjoyed the flow for the most part.

09-16-2015, 10:28 AM	#1
Flow Upset Champion Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: West Mids Posts: 3,861 Battle Record: 57-49 Accomplishments - 50 Wins Champed - BA Rookie Tourney - 1-2 Punch League (x2) - Pandemonium Cypher - 1-2 Punch league Season 9 Rep Power: 24894581	Trip... you been active for a really long time though before my sabbatical you were a battler and to be honest i never thought you were great for it so its good to see you going for the topical style. That being said this was really below par. I think you can do better but only if you want too. Think on the things when you write. A theme or concept. Perhaps your writing about being in jail and the difficulties of having to watch your back and be careful what you say and to who but metaphorically your also talking about this site and your actual bars you dropping. Rhyme You using an end word rhyme system. Mix it up. Analyze a eminem verse. He will literally have 3 types of rhymes but throughout the entire verse... as in every word he writes will rhyme not just the end word or even one or two in the middle but every word. Not saying to do that but you get the picture. Content and vocab English language is huge and your not even limited to the language. Plus you could make use of its many homophones etc to really add a touch of smarts to the verse. Finally think about what your saying and make it more real and deep. No one here enjoys the gang banger i dont care id fuck you up an tail whip you approach. Anyways. Vote timeless. I only needed to read two bars to know. @timeless solid drop son was a nice read enjoyed the flow for the most part.