Week 11: Spoken vs. Vulgar - (Vulgar wins)

sral · 09-13-2015, 12:02 PM

Spoken - Good to have you around here! I liked this piece, especially the closing lines. It showed your maturity as a writer in not going for the shocking twist in the tale and an overreliance on that to get you the win with a big reveal. So many fall into that trap and I pleased you didn't reveal it was a metaphor for something else come the finish. I liked the almost half-lines at the close of each stanza too, it was used to good effect and you're the first I've seen do that. Props.

Vulgar: From line one your visual imagery was immense, I could almost smell the tea leaves. You're too good. The pollen line as well was a deft touch before you had the fetus/seed associative wordplay section which works for you. You really excel in these more abstract worlds you create and thrive in. I love it. This was you in your element.

Vulgar got this.

09-13-2015, 12:02 PM	#1
sral LARSLARSLARSLARSLARS Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: CRUMPETVILLE Posts: 8,605 Battle Record: 28-3 Champed - Gimmick Battle League - The Winter Topical - Topical Martyrs - Lime Green Poetry Association - Lyric Olympics - Art of Writing League - Guerrilla Writing League (2x) - Black August II Rep Power: 85899395	Spoken - Good to have you around here! I liked this piece, especially the closing lines. It showed your maturity as a writer in not going for the shocking twist in the tale and an overreliance on that to get you the win with a big reveal. So many fall into that trap and I pleased you didn't reveal it was a metaphor for something else come the finish. I liked the almost half-lines at the close of each stanza too, it was used to good effect and you're the first I've seen do that. Props. Vulgar: From line one your visual imagery was immense, I could almost smell the tea leaves. You're too good. The pollen line as well was a deft touch before you had the fetus/seed associative wordplay section which works for you. You really excel in these more abstract worlds you create and thrive in. I love it. This was you in your element. Vulgar got this. __________________ - Netcees Rebuttal Tourney - Art of Writing League (x 4) - AOWL Season 11 Champion (Undefeated Season)