Week 11 Contenders: YDK vs. Innovator - (Inno wins)

sral · 09-13-2015, 11:17 AM

YDK: Dope shit, I wouldn't really call it a twist ending but your flip into dedicating it to your wife was a really nice touch to me and made it all "real" and relatable.

My favourite actual lines were near the beginning with the whole "Fractal body" and spaced themed references/tie-ins. Almost like an extended metaphor you carried throughout the piece. Really enjoyable read and I much prefer your style in this league than your one in the AOWL.

Inno: I loved the "shellcasings for pavements" line early on. You've a great use of descriptive imagery and a way of wording things that makes your shit stand out. Really developed writers voice. I liked your idea of the soldiers being other people's playthings or toys, too. That was nicely executed. The ending was almost polarising, I love unhappy endings and cheering on antiheros so your finale was almost Alan Moore-esque in that sense to me and I dug the ass of it!

Nice battle but I'm giving this to Inno!

09-13-2015, 11:17 AM	#1
sral LARSLARSLARSLARSLARS Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: CRUMPETVILLE Posts: 8,605 Battle Record: 28-3 Champed - Gimmick Battle League - The Winter Topical - Topical Martyrs - Lime Green Poetry Association - Lyric Olympics - Art of Writing League - Guerrilla Writing League (2x) - Black August II Rep Power: 85899395	YDK: Dope shit, I wouldn't really call it a twist ending but your flip into dedicating it to your wife was a really nice touch to me and made it all "real" and relatable. My favourite actual lines were near the beginning with the whole "Fractal body" and spaced themed references/tie-ins. Almost like an extended metaphor you carried throughout the piece. Really enjoyable read and I much prefer your style in this league than your one in the AOWL. Inno: I loved the "shellcasings for pavements" line early on. You've a great use of descriptive imagery and a way of wording things that makes your shit stand out. Really developed writers voice. I liked your idea of the soldiers being other people's playthings or toys, too. That was nicely executed. The ending was almost polarising, I love unhappy endings and cheering on antiheros so your finale was almost Alan Moore-esque in that sense to me and I dug the ass of it! Nice battle but I'm giving this to Inno! __________________ - Netcees Rebuttal Tourney - Art of Writing League (x 4) - AOWL Season 11 Champion (Undefeated Season)