Week 9 Championship: Innovator vs. sraL- (Inno defends title)

Vulgar · 08-31-2015, 11:25 PM

sraL - That's a tough concept to think of, well done with the diamond under the nose flip. The story progressed as I'm customary to reading from you, a play-by-play with a considerable share of intimate details, kept at a concise work rate. You don't throw too many curve balls (no pun intended) because you play it safe - with the exception that your topic interpretations are authentically ambitious. This time was no different. A clear cut, agreeable, well conjured piece. Stepping outside of your comfort zone will be interesting and I'm looking forward to bearing witness to it.

Innovator - Also a good take on the topic, you both are getting good at titles. Aside from the grammar mistakes throughout this, it was a starry night thought stream type of piece. Some cool ideas flowed from the pen. Organizationally, sraL has you ransacked, but this isn't a structure contest after all, and poetry to me is about the freedom of expression and less constraints than traditional rhymed verse. I wasn't completely into the poem as much as your others. It lacked cohesion and rambled a bit... the aim in the end was declared, the build-up becoming more evident. I think you would have to beautify the language more and create more hedges in the maze to give it more depth, along with the elegance to go along with it.

"While the fortunes of less fortunate
Die along the cuts of the jewelers accuracy
Rocks in the rough, paying those who seek ruin
Jewels for the lush, rust for the rest of us"

These were the lines of the contest though. An intriguing writer's voice was born here and I immediately began to think of the diamond mines, its workers, man's obsession with precious stones.

If I were going to be voting for the more orderly, accurate poem, then it'd be Lars. For me though, it's about if you can produce a twinkle in my gaze while I'm reading.

This is not necessarily me saying one poem is better than the other. Poetry is so subjective... it really is.

I'm going for Inno for intriguing me more on a "mystical" level. Lars could just as easily get the vote in mass proportions.

08-31-2015, 11:25 PM	#7
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	sraL - That's a tough concept to think of, well done with the diamond under the nose flip. The story progressed as I'm customary to reading from you, a play-by-play with a considerable share of intimate details, kept at a concise work rate. You don't throw too many curve balls (no pun intended) because you play it safe - with the exception that your topic interpretations are authentically ambitious. This time was no different. A clear cut, agreeable, well conjured piece. Stepping outside of your comfort zone will be interesting and I'm looking forward to bearing witness to it. Innovator - Also a good take on the topic, you both are getting good at titles. Aside from the grammar mistakes throughout this, it was a starry night thought stream type of piece. Some cool ideas flowed from the pen. Organizationally, sraL has you ransacked, but this isn't a structure contest after all, and poetry to me is about the freedom of expression and less constraints than traditional rhymed verse. I wasn't completely into the poem as much as your others. It lacked cohesion and rambled a bit... the aim in the end was declared, the build-up becoming more evident. I think you would have to beautify the language more and create more hedges in the maze to give it more depth, along with the elegance to go along with it. "While the fortunes of less fortunate Die along the cuts of the jewelers accuracy Rocks in the rough, paying those who seek ruin Jewels for the lush, rust for the rest of us" These were the lines of the contest though. An intriguing writer's voice was born here and I immediately began to think of the diamond mines, its workers, man's obsession with precious stones. If I were going to be voting for the more orderly, accurate poem, then it'd be Lars. For me though, it's about if you can produce a twinkle in my gaze while I'm reading. This is not necessarily me saying one poem is better than the other. Poetry is so subjective... it really is. I'm going for Inno for intriguing me more on a "mystical" level. Lars could just as easily get the vote in mass proportions.