Week 6: YDK (0-1) vs. Ullr (4-1)-- YDK WINS 5-3

Mr. J · 08-25-2015, 03:28 PM

One night amid the mist and rain
I arrived to a sight bringing twisted pain
headlights down our drive filled with grit and grain
cobbles crackling under the pressure of tires, my shifter strained
threw it in park and pressed my feet in the soaking grass
I opened the door, it creaked and groaned as I passed
^^^^
This was NICE! but that ending in the quote could have been cut out
I didn't really like the 'groping' his back doesn't even sound threatening to me
it just seems odd how you build up to the following development to me
like you could have said 'a passion high, she's holding the pipe, smoking the sack'
or something weird like that instead of she was gently groping his back...
& then the dialogue comes & and I'm like uggghhhh...
well that's all I really want to say about your piece because it is worth the read
but to go further into what you did here is quite the feat on your behalf & should be read for this battle
a nice showing by the way...

YDK, it's been awhile since I've seen you drop anything and this was a nice showing
I really enjoy how you mix your words up, you possess this type of grace in your work
it comes across very smooth & nice when you reach your highest points...
at times you struggle & that may be due to rust, therefore it's not a very big deal
you still have that sense of control and your verse comes across very nice...
which I enjoy, you are a different style that came with a different approach
I'm unsure if you dropped last week, but I feel like you will go far if you stick around
nice work here...

v/this is more based on style & approach for me this time around...
I feel that Ullr had a cool verse towards the end of his piece, I enjoyed it...
but that opening sequence just left a bland taste in my mouth & it hurt him there
I really enjoy his previous showings as well, but this seemed to be a step back on his part
his skill is nice but against YDK he just got overpowered by a stronger mechanical verse
I feel YDK came correct with a cool approach to the topic at hand, I thought it was nicely written
he had it's down points but he still had a more complete verse to me...
v/YDK

08-25-2015, 03:28 PM	#6
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	One night amid the mist and rain I arrived to a sight bringing twisted pain headlights down our drive filled with grit and grain cobbles crackling under the pressure of tires, my shifter strained threw it in park and pressed my feet in the soaking grass I opened the door, it creaked and groaned as I passed ^^^^ This was NICE! but that ending in the quote could have been cut out I didn't really like the 'groping' his back doesn't even sound threatening to me it just seems odd how you build up to the following development to me like you could have said 'a passion high, she's holding the pipe, smoking the sack' or something weird like that instead of she was gently groping his back... & then the dialogue comes & and I'm like uggghhhh... well that's all I really want to say about your piece because it is worth the read but to go further into what you did here is quite the feat on your behalf & should be read for this battle a nice showing by the way... YDK, it's been awhile since I've seen you drop anything and this was a nice showing I really enjoy how you mix your words up, you possess this type of grace in your work it comes across very smooth & nice when you reach your highest points... at times you struggle & that may be due to rust, therefore it's not a very big deal you still have that sense of control and your verse comes across very nice... which I enjoy, you are a different style that came with a different approach I'm unsure if you dropped last week, but I feel like you will go far if you stick around nice work here... v/this is more based on style & approach for me this time around... I feel that Ullr had a cool verse towards the end of his piece, I enjoyed it... but that opening sequence just left a bland taste in my mouth & it hurt him there I really enjoy his previous showings as well, but this seemed to be a step back on his part his skill is nice but against YDK he just got overpowered by a stronger mechanical verse I feel YDK came correct with a cool approach to the topic at hand, I thought it was nicely written he had it's down points but he still had a more complete verse to me... v/YDK __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you