AOWL Week 10: DeadLion (0-0) VS. pohfig (4-3) [POHFIG WINS, 10-0.]

Red glare · 04-27-2013, 07:55 PM

Deadlion. This could've been dope., Action packed; poetic at the same time. The combination of wordplay; elegant yet enigmatic; last few lines could've bee more definitive. Swift verse; created a dust cloud - in which the idea got lost in. Ironically you lost sight. The conclusion/last 2 bars felt tacked on; different twist/wording maybe would've created less of a Anticlimax.

Pohfig. You must be a security guard. A stationary figure of some sorts who writes with a very lucid flow when he gets the chance. Your Job is probably the total opposite of your flow. Your job is most likely monotonous and precarious. While your flow remains unrestrained and free spirited; I can only suggest what I have interpreted. There are a lot of abstract thought patterns that are puzzling but Reading it was a enjoyable chore;
One line brought your character to life for me. It was this one.
There's Routine - in blue jeans and a beer belly - sitting in constraints -
Whiskey and an eighth
good abstract average joe shit at the end of the day.

All in all. Very evenly keeled writing abilities. Both superb in their own rights. I think the winner is clear, in a abstract sense. Dead Lion needed more back story and a strong closer in which he was well on his way to. Good showing young lad. Pohfig was too cunning this time around

MVGT Pohfig

04-27-2013, 07:55 PM	#15
Red glare Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 189 Battle Record: 7-9 Rep Power: 0	Deadlion. This could've been dope., Action packed; poetic at the same time. The combination of wordplay; elegant yet enigmatic; last few lines could've bee more definitive. Swift verse; created a dust cloud - in which the idea got lost in. Ironically you lost sight. The conclusion/last 2 bars felt tacked on; different twist/wording maybe would've created less of a Anticlimax. Pohfig. You must be a security guard. A stationary figure of some sorts who writes with a very lucid flow when he gets the chance. Your Job is probably the total opposite of your flow. Your job is most likely monotonous and precarious. While your flow remains unrestrained and free spirited; I can only suggest what I have interpreted. There are a lot of abstract thought patterns that are puzzling but Reading it was a enjoyable chore; One line brought your character to life for me. It was this one. There's Routine - in blue jeans and a beer belly - sitting in constraints - Whiskey and an eighth good abstract average joe shit at the end of the day. All in all. Very evenly keeled writing abilities. Both superb in their own rights. I think the winner is clear, in a abstract sense. Dead Lion needed more back story and a strong closer in which he was well on his way to. Good showing young lad. Pohfig was too cunning this time around MVGT Pohfig