Week 4: Ullr vs. Innovator - (Ullr wins)

Vulgar · 07-26-2015, 08:46 PM

Ullr - The ending was effective. There were two blips in terms of wording, i.e. the 'waves ripples' and 'awakens of hatred' parts. Nice wording otherwise the whole way through. I liked the idea of the central theme being Gaia, or Earth, taking so much abuse by humans, and pointing out that there is a limit to what she can take. It echoes the photograph by using smoke, and relentless pressure by resource-hungry mavericks who seldom stop to think about the effect they have on the world at large.

Innovator - If I understood this correctly you were saying that a photographer is essentially "killing" something when it takes a picture of it, simultaneously encapsulating it in a timeless moment, even as it becomes devoid of life and warmth. Thievery, murder, and a little personal psychology of the main character was used here. I liked the main idea. The "writer's voice" in the beginning was so good - "with soot filled eyes - bright wide" strikes me as the best first-line I've seen in your work so far to date. In the second stanza, you jumped around a bit much.

Technically, Ullr was stronger this week. Innovator had the more innovative concept in my eyes, and it was executed well enough to get the nod.

Vote - Innovator

07-26-2015, 08:46 PM	#8
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	Ullr - The ending was effective. There were two blips in terms of wording, i.e. the 'waves ripples' and 'awakens of hatred' parts. Nice wording otherwise the whole way through. I liked the idea of the central theme being Gaia, or Earth, taking so much abuse by humans, and pointing out that there is a limit to what she can take. It echoes the photograph by using smoke, and relentless pressure by resource-hungry mavericks who seldom stop to think about the effect they have on the world at large. Innovator - If I understood this correctly you were saying that a photographer is essentially "killing" something when it takes a picture of it, simultaneously encapsulating it in a timeless moment, even as it becomes devoid of life and warmth. Thievery, murder, and a little personal psychology of the main character was used here. I liked the main idea. The "writer's voice" in the beginning was so good - "with soot filled eyes - bright wide" strikes me as the best first-line I've seen in your work so far to date. In the second stanza, you jumped around a bit much. Technically, Ullr was stronger this week. Innovator had the more innovative concept in my eyes, and it was executed well enough to get the nod. Vote - Innovator