pharaohs finally making rhymes easier on the eyes.. after like 3 or so years. [2 other verses from last night- yewtubed right befo O.m. cypher thing]

UnbornBuddha · 07-23-2015, 11:38 PM

I want to see a piece that is more structured and more focused from you. Don't make it too long either. But, no chorus, no repetition, just write with a purpose. And no combining different verses either, just take your time and compose with no hurry. I could tell you've reach a tipping point that you can't pass as of late, to get to the next level of your potential in writing. Perhaps, there's a block or deep inspiration hasn't beset you lately, and I have seen you write this monumental lines, but sometimes you struggle with simulating and recreating them constantly.

There is something your missing, I can't tell you what. You have to find it yourself, my only advice is read a lot. Aside, from just rap associated verses. This felt too "chorus like, a big hook for a song". While, it's fine to have a mind for audio, also write to make something magniloquent in text. I'm not suggesting you write your magnus opus, but consider the possibility that you can, but to do so you must trek into another dimension, so to speak. To traverse this dimension requires a shift in your conscious ability to conjure words, shaping them into a work of earthly divinity. But, this requires perhaps for you to create a different relationship to language, transcending your limitations by perhaps looking outside of yourself and to others, so you can learn and from there implement your own inherent ability that you unlocked further through manipulating the conditions of your brain.

Thank you for the read.

07-23-2015, 11:38 PM	#1
UnbornBuddha Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 1,008 Battle Record: 23-10 Champed - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 5 Rep Power: 23856379	I want to see a piece that is more structured and more focused from you. Don't make it too long either. But, no chorus, no repetition, just write with a purpose. And no combining different verses either, just take your time and compose with no hurry. I could tell you've reach a tipping point that you can't pass as of late, to get to the next level of your potential in writing. Perhaps, there's a block or deep inspiration hasn't beset you lately, and I have seen you write this monumental lines, but sometimes you struggle with simulating and recreating them constantly. There is something your missing, I can't tell you what. You have to find it yourself, my only advice is read a lot. Aside, from just rap associated verses. This felt too "chorus like, a big hook for a song". While, it's fine to have a mind for audio, also write to make something magniloquent in text. I'm not suggesting you write your magnus opus, but consider the possibility that you can, but to do so you must trek into another dimension, so to speak. To traverse this dimension requires a shift in your conscious ability to conjure words, shaping them into a work of earthly divinity. But, this requires perhaps for you to create a different relationship to language, transcending your limitations by perhaps looking outside of yourself and to others, so you can learn and from there implement your own inherent ability that you unlocked further through manipulating the conditions of your brain. Thank you for the read. Last edited by UnbornBuddha; 07-23-2015 at 11:55 PM.