AOWL: #1 CONTENDERS MATCH: King Keith (5-2) VS. IAmBenT (5-1) [IAMBENT WINS, 6-2.]

Red glare · 04-25-2013, 01:43 AM

King Keith; Decent verse; but really dope message. I like the current event aspect. The dirty pussy line could've been a miss but it came across on some black panther shit. "Insert Sarcasm'' was awkward lol I can't say to much about this verse man. It had an agenda but I feel like you didn't do it justice.

IAmBent. 'Chained to the pen, shackled to the plastic keyboard' What a line just to get the juices flowing. I LOLed literally. You kind of just treaded water for the first few lines just getting your feet wet and then you said
'emotion where the cold boat float' and then you reel that concept and begin tackling it.

My syllables meddle and twist, with muscles that wrestle with fish,
And sever thorned-ribs from flesh bespeckled in grit…
That's some spit right there.

Each metaphor a marlin, alarmed at the barbed thought,
Each simile a scarred fin, marking her spars fought ,
My heart fraught with flaws tugging the hard rod
Each piece fights to reach the beach and not meet the sharp rocks
Where the critics sit, a clique of crickets fit to feed frogs,
Each bar is a bright beam that streams far in deep fogs
Marlin line was Cray.

After that you get kind of lost at sea. You lose your sea legs and you start floundering. But man check the topic.

"Don't write so that you can be understood, write so that you can't be misunderstood."

Job well done. lol

Vote to IamBent

04-25-2013, 01:43 AM	#8
Red glare Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 189 Battle Record: 7-9 Rep Power: 0	King Keith; Decent verse; but really dope message. I like the current event aspect. The dirty pussy line could've been a miss but it came across on some black panther shit. "Insert Sarcasm'' was awkward lol I can't say to much about this verse man. It had an agenda but I feel like you didn't do it justice. IAmBent. 'Chained to the pen, shackled to the plastic keyboard' What a line just to get the juices flowing. I LOLed literally. You kind of just treaded water for the first few lines just getting your feet wet and then you said 'emotion where the cold boat float' and then you reel that concept and begin tackling it. My syllables meddle and twist, with muscles that wrestle with fish, And sever thorned-ribs from flesh bespeckled in grit… That's some spit right there. Each metaphor a marlin, alarmed at the barbed thought, Each simile a scarred fin, marking her spars fought , My heart fraught with flaws tugging the hard rod Each piece fights to reach the beach and not meet the sharp rocks Where the critics sit, a clique of crickets fit to feed frogs, Each bar is a bright beam that streams far in deep fogs Marlin line was Cray. After that you get kind of lost at sea. You lose your sea legs and you start floundering. But man check the topic. "Don't write so that you can be understood, write so that you can't be misunderstood." Job well done. lol Vote to IamBent