Dr Dog vs Zen (Zen wins)

[Vulgar]

LGPA Season 1: Week 2

@Dr Dog @Zen

Check ins: Tuesday (Midnight Eastern time)
Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time)
Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time)


Topic:

Revolutionary War

The Revolutionary War in America was Birthed by the idealism of Liberty. Thomas Paines Common Sense, " Give me Liberty or give me death", "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness" This Era symbolizes American hope.

"We have it in our power to begin the world over again." - Thomas Paine

[Split Eight]

$$$

[Zen]

sup

[Zen]

Revolution is a circle,
never complete.
It’s always alive,
especially in your dreams.
The sad part is waking
because is it ever what it seems?
Hope is hopeless,
and "freedom isn't free."
Or so says the slaveholders
who want to bleed it from me.

Maybe dreams are dreams,
because reality’s worse.
With each click of the clock
you realize life is a curse;
a vessel to carry you
to your pine in the dirt.
It takes a bullet to the chest
to digest what you’re worth.
Blood pools cool,
and you sidestep what was earned;
respect in death, only.

The wise’ll never learn.

[Split Eight]

Young man, what we meant in going for those Redcoats was this: we always had governed ourselves and we always meant to. They didn't mean we should.


- Captain Levi Preston of Danvers, Massachusetts, interviewed about his participation in the first battle of the American Revolution many years later

'historical'
a word you hear so often,
you forget that it means what it does.
I want to be free of this place,
as this place must want freedom from us.
there's this, connotation, to 'that' word-
seething with seasons of rust...
like a cracked bell, never rung in '76--
but we want to believe that it was.

at some point, you're so twisted up in
the afterstate, as fireworks leave your
vision smudged, with the grit and dust
of your city's alleyways, tendrils
of direction looping into one
a thousand ways/ ever reinventing
back into themselves, as if the streets were
shooting roots with no more room to grow...

-highway streeetch

...the pump gulped the bitter air
of the outbound interstate
as your back, neck, and fingers cracked
your phone's abuzz-
the "digital revolution" took away the luxury
of moving to another state, with another name,
and beginning your world over-

-in your pocket, voicemail kicks

but, you'd always sworn by independence.
you'd always governed yourself, and you'd always meant to-

-you check your back account with a grimace

give me liberty, or give me death

-the V8 coughs to life with a muffled roar

they didn't mean that they should.

[Hush]

Both deep both very well put together. Both perfect for the 4th of July weekend


Man this like comparing a apple and a orange
I love both



Here's where I made my decision
Send half of dr dogs poem was not as intriguing as the first half


I loved the topic material cuz I feel my poem is about the same as urs is content wise


But
Ur second half wasn't as good as ur first
Ur last line didn't leave me nodding in agreement
Zen was more concise
He had better structure in the sense it felt like it had a beginning. Middle and end

U kind of tapered
I prefer the non rhyming poems tho


Both were great
Will share both with ppl offline if yall don't mind


Kudos bros

But I got zen

[Razah]

Voting on poetry is kind of weird to me.

Both pieces were good, but I enjoyed Zen's piece better. I felt like Dog's was a little drawn out which kind of made me lose interest, where Zen's was shorter and more enjoyable to me.

I enjoyed this little part right here:

"Or so says the slaveholders
who want to bleed it from me."

vZen

[ribbit]

I also got zen taking this..Dr. Doc never really addressed the topic I though the underlying significance never really showed itself in his verse. Whereas although Zens was short it was concise and to the point...therefore

Vote//zen

[Inno]

Doppe battle.

Vote dr dog

I dunno i just keep going bacl to his pie e every time i re read both pieces.
Zen had a simple approach that showcased some hints of profound thought.
Though i feel like he just scratched the surface of it. Could of gone deeper
But thats me knit picking to my preferences. Split managed to tell a bit of
A story with his piece(im a sucker for stories). While still managingto keep
Thay poetic voice through out.

I was looking forward to this battle and you gentz didn't disappoint. Had to choose
One but i got to and i think ama go with SPLIT.

Dog

[UnbornBuddha]

Zen in a lot of ways this is very much like your more hip hop based verses. Often times you don't go for a big spectacle, you know the road less taken. Instead, you write in a manner with an ode to the common man in mind. It's nothing too flashy, and often times not as ambitious, or creative as you can be. However, there is still this developed voice that shines throughout. If other less experienced writers wrote as you did, they would probably end up with a subpar creation. However, because of the realism in which you depict your feelings, emotions, and whatnot you end up stealing the heart of the reader, momentarily mind you.

Split, I am curious at what you do, you are very selective with your wording and the thoughts you portray, which denotes a career in academia perhaps. As for the piece itself, I thought it was good. It was layered with meaning, but perhaps less elusive as some of your other work. I thought the indenture approach, infused with the digital age, was a bit less interesting as what you began with. Which was poking fun at the connotation of certain words we hear so often, and the meanings we assume they mean, and so we derive certain expectations from them. I think if you kept with that, instead of switching gears into a more modern "freedom" approach you would of had this.

Vote: Zen

[fraze]

Zen: Short and sweet. Packed with meaning. Simple with complexity. Definitely worth a second read... or third or fourth. But the slavery reference seems out of place for the revolutionary war. Minor quibble, but that had me distracted a little. But I enjoyed the flavor of your piece like topical skittles.

Dr. Dog: Dope start. Mean that with my whole heart. Dense prose with layered with meaning in that first part. But then the piece started losing steam. I wish you stuck with the original theme. I think you were trying to connect one revolution to the other using the highways a bridging metaphor. But apologies, I could have settled for a little less road work and more etymology.

Vote: Zen - But I think I would have chosen Dr. Dog, if his piece had been more consistent. But props to you both I enjoyed reading what you've written.

[Vulgar]

Zen - Slick, I really liked your last section. The rhyming tied this together and wasn't sticky, like a substance the reader didn't desire in the first place. It was welcome because the syllabic content was balanced, and the writing was clear.

Dr Dog - It was brave to attempt this because it's difficult to relate the past to the present, especially muskets to iPads. The poem was coated in rust, representing that all periods of time, all epochs, are equally shown under the light of 'historicism'. Reliance on evasive technology (transhumanism is coming, after all) is inevitable, but also means that we're not as independent as we think. The revolutionary war comparison is apt, and I thought your rendition was cool.

My vote goes to Zen. I found it to be more satisfying but this was a tight battle.