The incident of a poor man

[zygote]

Your writing here was decent. It was a good attempt - perhaps you could improve just in general grammar. The small words like 'it' and 'is' are often missing. Also, maybe you can try a quick proofread - see 'His' instead of writing 'He is'. One final comment - it may seem a bit broad but I hope you can consider it - the switch in focus in this submission feels jarring. You switched from the start (with a focus on personal issues from an individual's perspective - E.g., The daughter dying part - to a kind of global issues rant from a societal perspective). Both were decent enough directions to go in by themselves but when you fuse them together like that the brashness of the second half kind of overpowers the personal stuff at the start. The societal moralising preaching/grandstanding really jarred in contrast to your start (which had the potential to be a really subtle and understated approach to a big personal issue. I feel like you didn't need the 'big issues' of the second half. Especially after the more personal and in a lot of ways more powerful first half.