Ehh

Pharaohs Army · 06-15-2015, 01:27 AM

I'm highly entertained. The rhymes in this are very very good. Quick hitting.
A fun paradoxical mix of self-deprecation and bragging.
Throw in some violence and sex-- fun times.
The rape lines are not always my cup of tea but you executed the verse nicely.

Adding "by pushing 'em from windowsills" to the early sequence really took the rhyme to another level. The beginning area is where the strongest rhymes are, IMO

The best thing about this was the humor. I was tripped up in the middle due to laughter, and I always enjoy when that happens. Both from what was said, and from the end-rhymes involved. (by end rhymes i mean,for example,the string of rhymes which begins with "innately wrong", ending with "crazy ya'll")

...my soul has lime disease (geddit? Hi Netcees), I could dine and feast on the silent grief trying to find release in the rhymes I piece, together like a puzzle, the weather's like a muzzle...

the lime joke is corny but funny. and from a technical standpoint I love the 'transition' at the end of this quote. believe it or not i was listening to a mobb deeb instrumental at the time, and I kinda felt like-- find release in the rhymes I piece, together like a puzzle -- was a "mobb-deepy sounding"transition.

...because I'm a beast, a slave, but at least the people say 'he's ok', but they don't see the demons making me obey...

...I'm so fucking depressed, I try to tell people and it gets stuck in my chest,...

^Those 2 parts in the middle really got me to laughing, forcing me to pause before finishing.

the very end (need drugs) is of course funny too, and probably true for a bunch of people here, including maybe you and definitely me.

Obviously this won't win any awards for philosophical society-changing lyrics, but of course that wasn't the aim with this kind of piece.
Props.

06-15-2015, 01:27 AM	#2
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,956 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	I'm highly entertained. The rhymes in this are very very good. Quick hitting. A fun paradoxical mix of self-deprecation and bragging. Throw in some violence and sex-- fun times. The rape lines are not always my cup of tea but you executed the verse nicely. Adding "by pushing 'em from windowsills" to the early sequence really took the rhyme to another level. The beginning area is where the strongest rhymes are, IMO The best thing about this was the humor. I was tripped up in the middle due to laughter, and I always enjoy when that happens. Both from what was said, and from the end-rhymes involved. (by end rhymes i mean,for example,the string of rhymes which begins with "innately wrong", ending with "crazy ya'll") ...my soul has lime disease (geddit? Hi Netcees), I could dine and feast on the silent grief trying to find release in the rhymes I piece, together like a puzzle, the weather's like a muzzle... the lime joke is corny but funny. and from a technical standpoint I love the 'transition' at the end of this quote. believe it or not i was listening to a mobb deeb instrumental at the time, and I kinda felt like-- find release in the rhymes I piece, together like a puzzle -- was a "mobb-deepy sounding"transition. ...because I'm a beast, a slave, but at least the people say 'he's ok', but they don't see the demons making me obey... ...I'm so fucking depressed, I try to tell people and it gets stuck in my chest,... ^Those 2 parts in the middle really got me to laughing, forcing me to pause before finishing. the very end (need drugs) is of course funny too, and probably true for a bunch of people here, including maybe you and definitely me. Obviously this won't win any awards for philosophical society-changing lyrics, but of course that wasn't the aim with this kind of piece. Props. Last edited by Pharaohs Army; 06-15-2015 at 01:51 AM.