6. Fig vs. dead man - (dead man wins NS)

UnbornBuddha · 06-02-2015, 01:58 PM

Deadman, I will comment again since my feed on your open mic, Giant, was deleted and returned back into the cyber nebula when the site rebooted itself. The beginning wasn't your strongest, you usually have a much more captivating entry into the world of whatever verse you are presenting. I also liked how you used the colors of the pieces, and brought them to life, and even made the reader relate to the image more easily. A fun picture, I might add. It definitely sparks the creation of the creative juices. I thought these lines were stupendous.

"ubble foam, i'm the one alone. electromagnet thunderdome
watercolor collarbone. saturated summer solstice
sepia sulfur stone. there's nothing but blood and bone
joint and jugular, juggling our jobs and the juxtaposed
the runaway who's running home"

That part is as close to perfect as perfect can get, imo. The rest was cool, good job.

06-02-2015, 01:58 PM	#7
UnbornBuddha Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 1,008 Battle Record: 23-10 Champed - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 5 Rep Power: 23856379	Deadman, I will comment again since my feed on your open mic, Giant, was deleted and returned back into the cyber nebula when the site rebooted itself. The beginning wasn't your strongest, you usually have a much more captivating entry into the world of whatever verse you are presenting. I also liked how you used the colors of the pieces, and brought them to life, and even made the reader relate to the image more easily. A fun picture, I might add. It definitely sparks the creation of the creative juices. I thought these lines were stupendous. "ubble foam, i'm the one alone. electromagnet thunderdome watercolor collarbone. saturated summer solstice sepia sulfur stone. there's nothing but blood and bone joint and jugular, juggling our jobs and the juxtaposed the runaway who's running home" That part is as close to perfect as perfect can get, imo. The rest was cool, good job.