BOTW, hands down. I read both verses the other day, now dropping my vote. Holy shit @ BenT. Let me tell you why:
Quote:
Bright as the wax moon, her laugh swooned, swooped, a white crane,
Her blithe name the sprite rabbit I chased to make my life mate-
My Alice,… I- the blood, She – the chalice… Her eyes, a dove, no malice..
A family to establish, in our extravagant palace…Now I babble, unbalanced…
Grief the empty sleeve unsheathing death’s talons,… and with a high slice..
The wick blinks with night twice… “The Light Has Gone Out Of My Life”..
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That is probably the BEST intro to a piece I've read this season. When I read that, I was immediately hooked in to your story. Holy fuck man. I love that opener. From beginning to end, your story was on point. The language you used to fit the time was very, very well done. Descriptions, imagery, excellent scheme, the word choice- everything just fit right on target. I think it was two weeks ago when you had VOTW, but I'm telling you now, I feel this verse was far more superior. Great job. pohfig, you do a great job of storytelling here, with the female character being the focus. You gave us detail & a visual of who she is & what she does to a T. I feel you matched BenT just about in that department. Now, that long last stanza in your story, I will say, preferably, I feel it could have been done better. It sort of reminds me of those movies, filled with all this action, drama, and suspense, and then, the ending leaves you pissed off. I wasn't necessarily pissed off, I just feel it could have been done differently. It did wrap up your side of the topic well though. Both of you really came with it in this match, which actually was better than both the championship & contenders match IMO. I got BenT here though, with a perfectly executed story, from start to finish. Great job & read gentlemen.
MVGT: IAmBenT.
04-18-2013, 07:42 PM
Hybrid Mode
