AOWL Week 9: ZenLand (4-4) vs. Just Write (0-1) [ZENLAND WINS, 7-2.]

King Ra. · 04-18-2013, 07:13 PM

Pretty shocked & impressed with your writing this week Zen. I believe you really displayed some skills in full bloom which made your topical really stand out. You took the topic on humans & wove a story focused on one character, and managed to have all the necessities tied in to give the reader a clear picture of what is going on in the story & the concept of your piece. Strong emotion throughout & the scheme was on point. Just Write, very impressed with your piece as well. That intro was very solid, even though it was a bit long. Then from there you did a superb job with descriptions of robots, very detailed & it did not hurt your scheme at all. If there is one thing that hurt you this week, is the fact that I was looking for something more with the way you started this piece. the second stanza was great but that last bit, I feel, didn't really round off your story properly. It leaves me wanting more- and it's a bit offset from the first two stanzas. Great writing but the story could have been a bit more well-rounded.

MVGT: Zenland.

04-18-2013, 07:13 PM	#1
King Ra. The Throne, The Crown Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 2,667 Battle Record: 21-35 Rep Power: 1932963	Pretty shocked & impressed with your writing this week Zen. I believe you really displayed some skills in full bloom which made your topical really stand out. You took the topic on humans & wove a story focused on one character, and managed to have all the necessities tied in to give the reader a clear picture of what is going on in the story & the concept of your piece. Strong emotion throughout & the scheme was on point. Just Write, very impressed with your piece as well. That intro was very solid, even though it was a bit long. Then from there you did a superb job with descriptions of robots, very detailed & it did not hurt your scheme at all. If there is one thing that hurt you this week, is the fact that I was looking for something more with the way you started this piece. the second stanza was great but that last bit, I feel, didn't really round off your story properly. It leaves me wanting more- and it's a bit offset from the first two stanzas. Great writing but the story could have been a bit more well-rounded. MVGT: Zenland.