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03-31-2015, 09:51 PM
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#1 |
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¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,632
Battle Record: 3-5
Champed - Haiku Writers Challenge
Rep Power: 85899380   |
bedside manner
relationship-centric and blue,
men were never meant for the moon. I could weather a tempest but never the dew- let us preface tomorrow's tonight with an arugment. fight. it's better with two, play bard to the temptress in step to a harrowing tune her curves carve like a spine. marvel and swoon. your hands felt like mallets. she's drenched in undress. a cliffside demeanor's just candlestick balance pressed through her dress. every fire consumes. I hang from old flames like the notes of a pandering ballad weighted with sand for a ballast and you and I knew would never resume. |
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03-31-2015, 11:45 PM
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#2 |
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living
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,485
Battle Record: 33-18
Accomplishments - Hall of Fame
Champed - AOWL Season 1
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Rep Power: 77606679 |
lovely
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Zack Wicks for president |
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04-01-2015, 07:34 PM
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#3 |
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SOBER
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 12,480
Battle Record: 2-5
Champed - AOWL Season 2
Rep Power: 85899407 |
I could weather a tempest but never the dew-
let us preface tomorrow's tonight with an arugment. fight. it's better with two, play bard to the temptress in step to a harrowing tune I hang from old flames like the notes of a pandering ballad weighted with sand for a ballast This was really good. I don't know what you want me say other than that, fucko. argument*
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Netcees 2025 Revivalist Movement Founder |
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04-02-2015, 01:07 AM
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#4 |
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¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,632
Battle Record: 3-5
Champed - Haiku Writers Challenge
Rep Power: 85899380 |
he he ty men
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04-02-2015, 07:07 AM
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#5 |
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Lime Life
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,978
Battle Record: 30-41
Accomplishments - Only Slightly Retarded
Champed - Lyric Olympics
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Rep Power: 85235118 |
This was great. Rhyme schemes were impressive. You are getting much better at preventing your pieces from becoming vague or introspective to the point the reader is out of the loop, which is the only issue i had with your pieces, you avoided that here while maintaining the poetic and elegant style you execute so well. Really enjoyed this one.
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He listens to voices inside of his mind
Explicit and poisonous violent crime.  |
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04-02-2015, 09:55 AM
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#6 |
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nok Su kow
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,505
Battle Record: 1-1
Rep Power: 51788022 |
Best thing I've ever read in my entire life. About to stab my eyes out after I finish typing this because it was beautifully perfect. Jesus. All down hill from here. Adios eyeballs.
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"black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch" |
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04-02-2015, 12:54 PM
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#7 |
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White Earl
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Philly Cat.
Posts: 12,354
Battle Record: 10-15
Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x)
Champed - Netcees Writers League
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Rep Power: 50036761  |
pretty good, dog
lets see more
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-A.bove T.he R.est |
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04-09-2015, 02:14 PM
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The Clown Prince
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,046
Battle Record: 35-45
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 59349682 |
This was pretty smooth my friend, I liked the imagery a lot..
the flow of the piece is really smooth as you unravel your story perfect length for such a piece as well as great execution. I really enjoyed the beginning..this was great altogether though man.. keep writing breh..
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.....laugh....and the world laughs with you |
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Hybrid Mode
