Creation Bested Me....

Pharaohs Army · 03-24-2015, 09:14 PM

bravo...It was simple and complex at the same time. complex rhyme scheme but put together cleverly and tightly.

"time deafening / time defining"
"degrading it all / Gibraltars fall"

I like those rhymes. and seem to warm me up to even 'crazier' things such as:

Configured with clouds formed like shackles

and

Even in the abyss of utter confinement

Props. I'd argue these lines 'rhyme the least' yet quite possibly 'sound the best'. And for different reasons. The first just because it sounds good. And has a simile for your imprisoned theme. Hard to explain.

The latter because of what precedes it. "Ornaments of Torment". At first I didn't like that phrase because I was 'looking before it', but it perfectly helps "utter confinement". So on my second glimpse it was very good.

I.m.o.,Tricky for people who did not write it (i.e. me) to immediately bring out the 'full potential' of this verse without multiple reads. But that's not necessarily a bad thing and I can relate.

03-24-2015, 09:14 PM	#5
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,956 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	bravo...It was simple and complex at the same time. complex rhyme scheme but put together cleverly and tightly. "time deafening / time defining" "degrading it all / Gibraltars fall" I like those rhymes. and seem to warm me up to even 'crazier' things such as: Configured with clouds formed like shackles and Even in the abyss of utter confinement Props. I'd argue these lines 'rhyme the least' yet quite possibly 'sound the best'. And for different reasons. The first just because it sounds good. And has a simile for your imprisoned theme. Hard to explain. The latter because of what precedes it. "Ornaments of Torment". At first I didn't like that phrase because I was 'looking before it', but it perfectly helps "utter confinement". So on my second glimpse it was very good. I.m.o.,Tricky for people who did not write it (i.e. me) to immediately bring out the 'full potential' of this verse without multiple reads. But that's not necessarily a bad thing and I can relate.