Warped to perfection indeed

[Bodey]

Dear diary, don't try to silence me. I'm in dying need of writing these proprieties. Anxiety isn't fine to me, it seems to pry me on my knees. Even after lighting piney trees it hurts for me to kindly breathe. My mind is free from this mighty siege providing me with lightning sheets thundering my dreams. I'm fine really, it's truly not a big deal. Up nights dealing with how you actually feel isn't the worst thing to conceal. Watered-down bourbons marking you for worthless, hoping you can walk around without feeling so nervous. Hoping you can step outside now smellin some sense of purpose. It's concerning, the things that still irk me since I turned thirteen-- thought for sure maturing was dirtied by puberty but now I'm almost thirty, stomach's still turn-ing. I scribble a bit after takin a shit, drink up a mix and take a couple of hits, just to crash out and wake up to whatever I writ', and then judge it like a critic for wits, and end up kinda pissed over what little I did. You're ridiculous, kid. So damn hard on yourself. You bargain your health to get retarded and melt, might as well be starvin yourself of the good things in life: good karma is wealth, your heart carvin what's felt after doin things right.

[Bodey]

Bump

[big baby]

sucked. but I can see improvement like


dirtied by puberty was so stiff and not good, mainly because you forced an internal fitting of "dirties" just so it could have the rhythmic patterning as the scheme. But you sacrificed wording and overall casting. I suggest if you're going to use a word that you aren't sure of in a incorporating scheme have it be a rhyme scheme that ends the stanza, and make sure the unsure rhyme actually makes complete sense. the only time you should post something you're unsure would work mechanically is if you're sure it doesn't equalize with you emotionally. when you get better YOULL understand this idiyote. ttyl

[Bodey]

Thanks for the feed

[Mitch]

i think ur a good writer, but i also think u need to let go of trying to be a good writer. your style sounds as if you are trying to be a good writer in an unnatural way, and it to me it seems that at the start u were kinda bored until u found the flow, and then u stuck to the flow. try writing something without expecting it to be anything, and just write, not even rhyme. sorry if this sounds condescending these are just tips i use for my own writing. i think ur a good writer, but the key to expanding is to not ever be embarrassed about what you write, and to recognize it as a shade of yourself.

[dead man]

really awesome in some parts.

not understanding all the negative reception

I scribble a bit after takin a shit, drink up a mix and take a couple of hits, just to crash out and wake up to whatever I writ', and then judge it like a critic for wits, and end up kinda pissed over what little I did.

nailed it

looking forward to the next one

thank you.

[Bodey]

Thank you! Yeah I been tryin to keep the pen movin without getting too caught up on wording. This and my other "diary" piece were the originals. I wana go back and edit and maybe make it sharper