first rap

fathead · 04-15-2013, 12:09 PM

Alright This Is My First Try Writing A Rap So Go Easy....

Rhyms COMPLEX Mcs Faker Than A CON'S CHECKS/
I PERPLEX rappers/
Your Whole heads BACKWARDS/
You Aint MY WEIGHT out classed Like A FLY WEIGHT
and My Take Is You Are What You Make/
I Make Bars That STAY BETTER mcs Ducking Me Like MAYWHEATER/
and I STAY BETTER got Cheese Like I MADE CHEDDAR/
i Aint PLAYING Im STAYING heavy Like MAYHEM/
And Mcs Ive SLAIN seen Magic Like David BLAINE/
You're Raps Are... Oh! Too PLAIN- I take Your Perspective Out Of FRAME/
Make You Think Outside The BUN Outside The GUN/
Cuz The Rhymes Ive DONE mcs hide N RUN/
but Im Bout Ta Side LINE YOU but MIND YOU/
You Can SHINE TOO but Props MINES DUE/
JimmY Hoff CouldNt FIND YOU/
but Heres A Rap TO unWIND TOO/
and SHOCK The Atoms Dat BIND YOU/
Just Dont Let My GLOCK Come And FIND YOU

Zen · 04-15-2013, 12:27 PM

Since you fed my verse holmes I'll feed you and give you some constructive feedback. First off the rhyming is much too simple (find you, bind you). Practice using bigger vocabulary like when you think up an idea for a rhyme while you're writing say "what is a bigger word for 'find' that I can use". Using a bigger vocabulary makes the piece much more interesting and doesn't make it seem montonous. My adivice would be for now to read other pieces here in the Open Mic and see what other experienced writers do and notice what you like about their pieces and try to replicate it with your own style you know what I mean. Also try out the cyphers they're great for practicing. Keep droppin man.

04-15-2013, 12:09 PM	#1
fathead Member Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: cresson, PA Posts: 30 Battle Record: 1-3 Rep Power: 37	first rap Alright This Is My First Try Writing A Rap So Go Easy.... Rhyms COMPLEX Mcs Faker Than A CON'S CHECKS/ I PERPLEX rappers/ Your Whole heads BACKWARDS/ You Aint MY WEIGHT out classed Like A FLY WEIGHT and My Take Is You Are What You Make/ I Make Bars That STAY BETTER mcs Ducking Me Like MAYWHEATER/ and I STAY BETTER got Cheese Like I MADE CHEDDAR/ i Aint PLAYING Im STAYING heavy Like MAYHEM/ And Mcs Ive SLAIN seen Magic Like David BLAINE/ You're Raps Are... Oh! Too PLAIN- I take Your Perspective Out Of FRAME/ Make You Think Outside The BUN Outside The GUN/ Cuz The Rhymes Ive DONE mcs hide N RUN/ but Im Bout Ta Side LINE YOU but MIND YOU/ You Can SHINE TOO but Props MINES DUE/ JimmY Hoff CouldNt FIND YOU/ but Heres A Rap TO unWIND TOO/ and SHOCK The Atoms Dat BIND YOU/ Just Dont Let My GLOCK Come And FIND YOU

04-15-2013, 12:27 PM	#2
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	Since you fed my verse holmes I'll feed you and give you some constructive feedback. First off the rhyming is much too simple (find you, bind you). Practice using bigger vocabulary like when you think up an idea for a rhyme while you're writing say "what is a bigger word for 'find' that I can use". Using a bigger vocabulary makes the piece much more interesting and doesn't make it seem montonous. My adivice would be for now to read other pieces here in the Open Mic and see what other experienced writers do and notice what you like about their pieces and try to replicate it with your own style you know what I mean. Also try out the cyphers they're great for practicing. Keep droppin man.