AOWL Week 9 Contendership: Red Glare (5-2) vs. Adonis (4-1) [RED GLARE WINS, 10-0.]

[Xces]

Humm...

Adonis - I feel as though you haven't come as hard here as you could have, and should have given the opponent. You have good vocabulary use through out, but it feels distant and like it wasn't written from the heart. The piece overall just doesn't feel like you were invested in it, and it shows. Lastly I'm not sure what oyu meant by "guzzling my synagogue." As the only way I know the term used is in reference to Jewish religious gathering places. Not something consumable. Unless I missed something.

RG - The piece is strong but I feel that the repetition of "Kia Sorento" and "Celestial" kill the flow as it rolls through, I understand the importance of relaying the story accurately well also maintaining the flow but repetition in quick succession can quickly kill the vibe of a piece. Luckily it didn't here. The piece tells a good story and draws a conclusion questioning the emotional value of the reader. Which is a depth your opponent lacked this week.

Over-All I must say you are both capable of more then what was presented this week, in my opinion. Red could have found different wording to relay the same message without falling back upon repetition the way he did, and Adonis could have invested himself emotionally in his writing which would have drawn a far stronger piece from his mind.

Vote/ RedGlare

Emotion is hard to relay through text, and it is shown here quiet well despite the issues I have with it.