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04-14-2013, 10:26 PM
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#9 |
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Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 66
Battle Record: 2-0
Rep Power: 38  |
Just Write - This week you showed a lot more of the vocabulary then I've seen from you thus far but the piece feels like it is missing that special something ot really connect and push it forward. I like the imagery you use to paint the picture of what the robots appear like, but it still lacks something to me. It's a good verse almost all around, but something didn't feell... right?
Zen - I enjoy the way you told this piece, and it really reminded of the quote "Every story has a beginning, middle, and end, Though not necessarily in that order." It really made me take a double take, and I actually went back and reread both your and Just Writes verses a second time when I had finished reading yours. Just Write had a more complex structure, but your piece brought the "human" touch so to speak. It felt more connected to me personally, and that edged it out. V / Zen
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"A culture is only as great as its dreams, and its dreams are dreamed by artists." -L. Ron Hubbard |
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