AOWL Week 9: Nigma (4-2) vs. Xces (1-0) [XCES WINS, 6-5.]

[Split]

16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum. (if agreed upon by both participants, you may go beyond the limit at your own risk.)

Verses are due SATURDAY 4/13 at 11:59 PST.
Extensions are due SUNDAY 4/14 at 11:59 PST.
(There is a 6 hour grace period following the end of the extension deadline. If you fail to post anything by the end of the grace period time, you will be given the no show loss.)

You must vote on at least 4 other battles and post links in the Voting Thread. For every absent vote, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.

Voting ends TUESDAY 4/16 at 11:59 PST. (Unless otherwise it may be extended another day at the most.)

You MUST check in.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.

NOTE
Swaying, excessive freeposting, voter fraud etc. are grounds for vote deductions at discretion of the moderators.
Editing your verse after the grace period, after your opponent posts, or after the first vote (especially this)- as well as biting- are grounds for disqualification at discretion of the moderators.

TOPIC: THIS IS A SPLIT TOPIC. One will write a verse supporting an idea, and the other will write a verse supporting an opposing idea.

@Nigma -Pacifists
@Xces -Soldiers

Good luck to both participants.

[Xces]

NVM I think I get it. These topics are still kind've wacked out. I ain't trying to argue. I'm trying to improve my ability to tell a story through this league... but w.e

check

[Nigma]

Step in to my web

[Nigma]

Identity Crisis

I'm a decorated scholar, just a tyrant whos bleeding
His mind on the sheet, organized and typed into the lines that your seeing
See, I write it so deeply that even my mind can't leash it
Gotta reread it three times to decipher the higher meaning
In life as a spiral beacon despite it's colliding seasons
The frights that'll lie beneath it, the sprites and the viral demons
I'm fighting to find the key and am righteous when I resolve it
Unlocking the treasure, saw that all perspectives are never ending
The next decension, sent to repent in the depths of REM sleep
In the middle of this mess I feel regret I can't repress these
Became lucid oozing sweat in my bed sheets, second best type of wet dream
It was perplexing, torrential horrors upsetting the weathers norm
Cold War etched with some Desert Storm, frost thicker then ever before
Weapons pre-preemptively drawn, deception round every corner
Mourn their own and celebrate in the death of an enemy soldier
The general consensus; show respect and hold in-check with every ethnic soul
And yet we're thrown against the foes we get to known
Repressed, and told it's best we step our toe in ever country just to check the flow
And FUCK how it reflects us, no.. Our penny's spent aren't low
But with this death-ball we've invented, you will not collect the debt we owe!
So.. Only investment cheque that grows is sent to the men who lent the dough
LET ME GO!!!
I'm in my head and these jesters talking
Tryin to get me like paparazzi
Saw the God's watch us walking on and evolve to Nazi's
Bombed our property, Kamikaze, Osama, Saddam, and Gadaffi
I prey we solve the nonsense but beyond the talking
Remain convulsing in the grey because the monster I saw was not me

[Xces]

- The Game Of Ebb & Flow -

Witness twists in a game of patience, between tricksters an patrons,
Jesters eluding aloof mistakes, leading opponents to misplacement
Parading a false loss as a cause for elation, in grave sense
The distaste left, often is embossed by applauding disinformation

-“The only way to get smarter is by playing a smarter opponent.”-

Imprisoned patients awaiting their urgent reprieve in the field
Seek meaning between defeats, until their true reasons revealed,
The deceits concealed beneath the sweetness of a legions guilt
Bodies as serenely still as leaves discretely conceding to wilt
Amongst seed an silt, blood sullies pastures of greener grass
Where life once lavish, lies famished in fields of sundered ash

-"In every game and con there's always an opponent, and there's always a victim.
The trick is to know when you're the latter, so you can become the former.”-

As if thunder clashed, triumphant shells combustion's cracked
Splashing artillery shrapnel matter, amongst clouds of mustard gas
Strategies beyond a lovers task, have commonly come to pass
Amongst Sun Tzu's rumbling pads is "To succumb is a cumbersome task."
As Rutherford wonders of collapse, foes come to slumber en masse
Well punctual plunders unmask, puncturing their fumbled advance
With advantage slung at a slant, the commanders rumbled a chant
An began the crumbling of comfort of having structure encamped.

-"You do the hard work, I just help you along feeding pieces to you,
and making you believe you took those pieces."-

Rummagin' begun in a flash, they basked in victorious spoils.
Well soldiers souls boiled, in bunkers reborn of the soil
As morrow, crept, under darkness of dusk, upon storming night
The torrent of deaths horsemen arose amidst sorrowful sights
The scorned ignite phosphorus composites among the lock an pick
An listen to the screaming victims, of accepted accomplishment.

"The more control the victim thinks he has, the less control he actually has."

Check Mate

Rutherford was a chemist & physicist who had his interpretation of the atom rejected due to the fact it would have collapsed on itself.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rutherford_model

-Only thing I didn't think people would get. ....

-X

[Just Write]

Originally Posted by Nigma

Identity Crisis

I'm a decorated scholar, just a tyrant whos bleeding
His mind on the sheet, organized and typed into the lines that your seeing
See, I write it so deeply that even my mind can't leash it
Gotta reread it three times to decipher the higher meaning

nice opener, dug this last line alot

In life as a spiral beacon despite it's colliding seasons
The frights that'll lie beneath it, the sprites and the viral demons
I'm fighting to find the key and am righteous when I resolve it
Unlocking the treasure, saw that all perspectives are never ending
The next decension, sent to repent in the depths of REM sleep
In the middle of this mess I feel regret I can't repress these
Became lucid oozing sweat in my bed sheets, second best type of wet dream

last line made me chuckle, the setting and the whole REM plaot has me thinking of black ops 1 campaign mode for some reason lol


It was perplexing, torrential horrors upsetting the weathers norm
Cold War etched with some Desert Storm, frost thicker then ever before
Weapons pre-preemptively drawn, deception round every corner
Mourn their own and celebrate in the death of an enemy soldier

I can respect what you were going for but disagree, weather friend or foe death of someone is never to be celebrated and most soldiers (good soldiers) feel that way too, as far as deception around every corner, i definitely agree with that. ive seen iraqi children pass out lighters to american soldiers that when lit they explode taking faces and limbs off.


The general consensus; show respect and hold in-check with every ethnic soul
And yet we're thrown against the foes we get to known
Repressed, and told it's best we step our toe in ever country just to check the flow
And FUCK how it reflects us, no.. Our penny's spent aren't low
But with this death-ball we've invented, you will not collect the debt we owe!
So.. Only investment cheque that grows is sent to the men who lent the dough
LET ME GO!!!
I'm in my head and these jesters talking
Tryin to get me like paparazzi
Saw the God's watch us walking on and evolve to Nazi's
Bombed our property, Kamikaze, Osama, Saddam, and Gadaffi

this was a nice little portion, and agreed we as america are a bunch of bullies lol. whe n you refer to the "death ball are you referring to this "Death Star" we're supposedly going to start building in the next few years? ive heard a little bit about it but have failed to do much research as of yet.


I prey we solve the nonsense but beyond the talking
Remain convulsing in the grey because the monster I saw was not me

these last couple lines literally gave me goosebumps and conveys how i felt emotionally to a tee. kudo's

Originally Posted by Xces

- The Game Of Ebb & Flow -

Witness twists in a game of patience, between tricksters an patrons,
Jesters eluding aloof mistakes, leading opponents to misplacement
Parading a false loss as a cause for elation, in grave sense
The distaste left, often is embossed by applauding disinformation0
0

this was very elegantly put and imo a beautiful opener,

-“The only way to get smarter is by playing a smarter opponent.”-

Imprisoned patients awaiting their urgent reprieve in the field
Seek meaning between defeats, until their true reasons revealed,
The deceits concealed beneath the sweetness of a legions guilt
Bodies as serenely still as leaves discretely conceding to wilt
Amongst seed an silt, blood sullies pastures of greener grass
Where life once lavish, lies famished in fields of sundered ash

I liked this part but ionno, just can't see much connection to the topic

-"In every game and con there's always an opponent, and there's always a victim.
The trick is to know when you're the latter, so you can become the former.”-

As if thunder clashed, triumphant shells combustion's cracked
Splashing artillery shrapnel matter, amongst clouds of mustard gas
Strategies beyond a lovers task, have commonly come to pass
Amongst Sun Tzu's rumbling pads is "To succumb is a cumbersome task."
As Rutherford wonders of collapse, foes come to slumber en masse
Well punctual plunders unmask, puncturing their fumbled advance
With advantage slung at a slant, the commanders rumbled a chant
An began the crumbling of comfort of having structure encamped.

this whole part was dope, fisrt few lines were pretty descriptive as far as the chaos in the middle of an advancement

-"You do the hard work, I just help you along feeding pieces to you,
and making you believe you took those pieces."-

Rummagin' begun in a flash, they basked in victorious spoils.
Well soldiers souls boiled, in bunkers reborn of the soil
As morrow, crept, under darkness of dusk, upon storming night
The torrent of deaths horsemen arose amidst sorrowful sights
The scorned ignite phosphorus composites among the lock an pick
An listen to the screaming victims, of accepted accomplishment.

the soldiers souls boiled, in bunkers reborn of the soil line was dope, really enjoyed that one

"The more control the victim thinks he has, the less control he actually has."

Check Mate

Rutherford was a chemist & physicist who had his interpretation of the atom rejected due to the fact it would have collapsed on itself.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rutherford_model

-Only thing I didn't think people would get. ....

-X

OK so i really enjoyed this battle, definitely one i was looking forward to reading (had a hunch you would both go towards the same "War" theme. With topics like these(pro vs. con almost) it's hard to decide but in this one i'm going to go with who's story I enjoyed more on a personal level and that would be nigma's, ex you told a very good story too i just didnt see anything that really made it stand out FOR ME, and in my own personal opinion all those breaks with the quotes took away fromn your piece and hurt you in the end so mvgt:NIGMA

[Zen]

Damn good battle you two.
Nigma: Great verse really. I took as a soldier arguing within himself on whether he should continue to fight or not as he sees all the destruction around him. You dropped this with your trademark style and it kept out very well with my only hiccup being the wet dream line. It seemed oddly worded but besides that a great piece.
Xces: Wow. Great piece. I love the quotes you have in between your stanzas I think it worked well to tie the entire piece together and the line about the person in control has no control at all described the piece perfectly. Those who try to control everything only end up destroying everything. You've also got a great rhyme scheme. Great work here.

Overall this battle is close and I think it'll come down to the wire but I gotta go with Xces here.

[Aesthetic]

Nigma

Dug this man;really fucking deep and insightful on the highest degree. Like being a pacifist aint really a problem too begin with and your verse actual shows aspiration for it and we should want it ya know. Like impressive work man.

Exces

Real talk man, you addressed conspiracy on a passive manner and put forth like damn you both had eye opening pieces with not too many problems.

Close
V/Xces

[Adonis]

Quick Vote sorry, lack of time but I "Have to Vote" so...

Nigma - Felt rushed, some wording issues here and there, begining 4 lines I didn't enjoy flow. Never did understand who the person is, but I did read 3 times all in depth and consideration. Wording's biggest issue..."Saw the God's watch us walking on and evolve to Nazi's"...Change of tense or something put this off. All in all I know you are much better then this and have the skills to basically out write this verse ten times over. Might come off as hate and sorry, but that's all I got.


Xces - Story of war, and very indepth with the leaders and the games they play. Loved some lines wording, the imagery was nice as well. Didn't like the fact you added the link, to me it cheapens the effect of the line. Yes, I would have missed the reference, yet still...

All in all a decent battle, one went with a inner look at ones self, the other was more outward however still had that philosophical look with wars leaders and added some quotables spread throughout

Vote -xces

[zygote]

Enigma, enjoyed the characterization of military-industry, it was humorous to see one comment comparing death-ball to an actual death-star. I think Enigma meant death-ball as in military industrial complex. The sections where you give some small story (E.g., the check behind the corners part) were good to break up the parts when you focused on the meta-view. It built up nicely to the "let me go" part, but I felt that line was strong enough to stand by itself and didn't need to be highlighted like that. Perhaps, the let me go line was so strong it could have been powerful as the ending itself. Overall good work with both characterization of pacifism on a individual and on societal levels.

Xces, did not enjoy the chess metaphor felt it did not work in this case. Using only the quotes to keep the metaphor throughout did not work, perhaps it would have been stronger to "go-all-in" and have the chess metaphor more prominent throughout, or just not include it at all. As it stands, I didn't understand the point of splitting up each part with those quotes without any further comment to it. Objectively, your rhyme schemes were more advanced than Enigmas but conceptually Enigmas was more advanced than yours. Voted for Enigma.

[IamBenT]

Good battle, mates

Nigma - Lovin the flow as usual. Great eye for detail, only prob I had was I wasnt really feeling the speaker cuz I had no idea who it was or what they were really all about. I like the imagery used in this and the whole dream scape was a cool addition to the verse.

Unlocking the treasure, saw that all perspectives are never ending
The next decension, sent to repent in the depths of REM sleep

I just wasnt feeling this line right here, came off as kind of strange to me.

Xces - Great verse, really a shining example of vocab (albeit heavy handed at sometime) coupled with powerful images, and i felt it was a creative use of the quotes that helped move the story along for me, didn't hinder the verse much at all. You really have a handle of what you are doing here throughout and there is plenty of intellectual "meat" to chew on throughout. Some of your use of juxtaposition bugs me at times, placing disparate concepts sometimes distracting me from what you are saying rather than driving the point home.

Amongst seed an silt, blood sullies pastures of greener grass
Where life once lavish, lies famished in fields of sundered ash

This was interesting, and I saw that you did pick up the multi in the middle of the next line, but i thought you could do something more interesting than greener grass.

Great battle guys.

Vote -Xces for a more thorough read

[Soulstice]

nigma - dope flow. thought the whole mirror-image wait it isnt me flip was cool, and tied the peice together well. as i was reading i was a little lost through the disconnected imagery but it all made sense at the end. my only qualm is the lack of commentary. it sort of a list-verse and then wrappign it up by placing it all beneath the ENORMOUS umbrella of 'bad shit'. it was a pretty original, well rhyming piece about a spirallign descent from dreamscape to nightmare-scape though

xces - i thought the wording really took away from the imagery. you tried to describe actions more than scene-setting and what could result of the actions. it was very verby and i couldnt really fully set the scene in my mind. the chess introspections between stanzas were cool, and the flow was pretty tight, but overall the esoteric vocabulary was put to use in a different manner than what i consider effective. the rutherford metaphor was kind of a stretch. it didnt really build into the atmosphere of the piece or create a new dimension of it.. it was just sort of there as a filler. i feel like im being harsher than i usually i am, but what seems to be an ambitious writing style deserves it

v - nigma/ tighter flow and he tied up his superior imagery nicely at the end.

[Split]

ive voted on this fucker 5 times.

nigma.
good flow, bad wording at the end. some dope quotables in the middle. didnt come together, was more of a rant for me than anything else. i liked how you opened, it really framed your speech but the end lacked that cohesiveness for me

xces.

Bodies as serenely still as leaves discretely conceding to wilt
that was the only low point of your verse^.

i think you needed more of a conclusion than "Checkmate"
i thought you did a decent job constructing the metaphor, but didnt execute it fully.. i enjoyed your descriptions but i thought it needed a stronger narrator

V/ Nigma. related more to his content. very close battle imo good match

[Juxtaposition]

Just got home from the gym, gonna use the last of my focus to break this tie...

Nigma -

The flow is alright so far, but... I'm not sure about using the same word back to back, without really a meaning change, also I think using "See," to begin a line is really weak, I know maybe people do it to keep syllable counts going, but it's a waste.

"His mind on the sheet, organized and typed into the lines that your seeing
See, I write it so deeply that even my mind can't leash it"

You have some decent inner bar rhyming happening, always a plus to me usually, except in this case, it seems like... the story stumbles into odd word choices, I am of the mind you can't sacrifice continuity of narration to fit a rhyme scheme, or it's forced. And then the story meanders and the reader starts to snap out of the tale being weaved.

"In life as a spiral beacon despite it's colliding seasons
The frights that'll lie beneath it, the sprites and the viral demons "

Might have been better like this:

Despite its colliding seasons.... in life, as a spiraling beacon,
the Sprites and the viral demons, are frights that'll lie beneath it
In my editor mind, it has better technical form, it doesn't double back on itself so much.

"I'm fighting to find the key and am righteous when I resolve it"
Not sure 'resolve' makes sense here.

"It was perplexing, torrential horrors upsetting the weathers norm
Cold War etched with some Desert Storm, frost thicker then ever before"
The rhymes patter here was cool, also the imagery and wordplay. And you are incorporating your topic goals.

I must say, leading up that "Let me Go" you managed to build up a momentum, like if you were rapping to a beat, you would be hitting it at just the right moment to make it pop with the end rhymes.

Yea that would be nightmarish to a Pacifist. I dig it. You did a good job of creating mood, which really set the table for pulling off the story in the way you did.

Without mood, the dream waking up being a pacifist with those dictator nightmares would have fallen flat.

Xces

Alright flow to start it off, good use of vocabulary and I like how you foreshadow.
"Parading a false loss as a cause for elation, in grave sense
The distaste left, often is embossed by applauding disinformation"

"The deceits concealed beneath the sweetness of a legions guilt
Bodies as serenely still as leaves discretely conceding to wilt"
I liked this, the meaning and imagery, more building, also a little bit of wordplay with leaves conceding to wilt.

"Amongst seed an silt, blood sullies pastures of greener grass
Where life once lavish, lies famished in fields of sundered ash"
You got bars!! And I like the tone of this passage. It's like Coleridge to me, 'rhyme of the ancient mariner'

While you do a great job of foreshadowing in the verse, I'm not sure about those Transitions out of context of the story.
-In every game and con there's always an opponent, and there's always a victim.
The trick is to know when you're the latter, so you can become the former.”-

"Amongst Sun Tzu's rumbling pads is "To succumb is a cumbersome task."
Ahh delayed alliteration due to word placement. I love to do this in writing too.

Vote - Xces because...

There were more merits to his verse. He did a lot of technical subtle things that unless you are aware you miss... you just have a feel that it's a good written verse, if that makes sense. I'm glad that he attempted to have a more dynamic there and took a risk of incorporating the topic.

Nigma had a solid base had good pacing and imagery and was able to create mood and atmosphere, crescendo...

The difference mainly was in the power of description. Xces easily was stronger. If Nigma had been able to craft similar caliber bars, that would magnified his piece that much more because his piece needed to be as vivid as possible. Also think that he could have worded this so they were less kinked which would have not disrupted the dreaming, because having to stop and decipher while reading, takes away from your ending story.

If it was smooth the whole time, had that great momentum you created, and then you abruptly woke up, to that terror, maaaaaaan what a verse it could have been! You understand?

good battle guys peace.

[Nigma]

That was the greatest vote I have ever read, thank you Juxta

[patrown]

Nigma – WOW. So fucking good. Really, I feel exactly this way. Americans are painted in such a horrible picture.. and yet, I go about my daily business like any other mechanic might in any country. I guess I have it a little better because I live here , and still..
And FUCK how it reflects us, no.. Our penny's spent aren't low
But with this death-ball we've invented, you will not collect the debt we owe!
Others are paying the highest price for small conveniences. Our own soldiers, other countries citizens..
And we can’t pay them back. Or our own debt. Shits fucked up. Excellent piece. /endrant

Xces - WELL. You’re entire piece , along with your summary of rutherfords inclusion, makes an extremely strong point. Although.. well, it’s along the same lines as pacifism from your opponent.. you told it from a soldiers side. Which I give props to whilst I scratch my chin in wonder. The sun tzu reference right next to strategy related to lovers.. fuck me. That’s some good shit. I mean, love your country, go and fight for it, try and find a reason you gave your all along with your brethren, and in the end.. it’s all part of a grand scheme you can’t control. That’s real shit. The opener led into the same main conclusion I drew from the pieces entirety. I gotta give you some credit where credit is due, excellent piece.

/v - tie. i'm sorry i really can't choose one verse over there other. i just typed up this vote for nothing in the end - but i hope the feed meant something.

[King Ra.]

XCES WINS, 6-5.