Week 9 Chat & Predictions.

Vulgar · 04-11-2013, 04:55 PM

Pent Up - Pretty dope, P. You took a cerebral direction that reminded me of a Michael Bay-like character going on an island getaway vacation and watching his own personality dissolve in the tropical heat, literally unravelling all of his credibility, mental toughness and eroding away the last of his reinforcing thoughts. The content was engaging and I followed through it without any road blocks, which is rare for me when I read your pieces because there's a sense of accomplishment when I can plough through chunky sentiments to reach a collective conclusion. I didn't struggle with that here. Nice piece.

Red Glare - I'd say you killed it with the rhyme scheme. It was all done well with some hiccups you maybe could've accounted for, but the length of the scheme was ambitious enough and I'm surprised you maintained relevance. What may have happened for me is the anticipation of your insistently consistent rhyme scheme causing me as the reader to get distracted by the story and focus more on the sounds and syllabic flows you produced. I don't know if the story was all that great. The rhythmic presentation was of high quality and execution, but did I walk away feeling enriched, or given any thoughts to chew on and expand upon in my own mind? I feel like this failed at that, while Pent's succeeded.

My vote goes to @pohfig this week for a verse that pleased my brain sensors as well as my senses. Red Glare's was juicy but lacked any nutritional value imho.

Keep doing you

04-11-2013, 04:55 PM	#11
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	Pent Up - Pretty dope, P. You took a cerebral direction that reminded me of a Michael Bay-like character going on an island getaway vacation and watching his own personality dissolve in the tropical heat, literally unravelling all of his credibility, mental toughness and eroding away the last of his reinforcing thoughts. The content was engaging and I followed through it without any road blocks, which is rare for me when I read your pieces because there's a sense of accomplishment when I can plough through chunky sentiments to reach a collective conclusion. I didn't struggle with that here. Nice piece. Red Glare - I'd say you killed it with the rhyme scheme. It was all done well with some hiccups you maybe could've accounted for, but the length of the scheme was ambitious enough and I'm surprised you maintained relevance. What may have happened for me is the anticipation of your insistently consistent rhyme scheme causing me as the reader to get distracted by the story and focus more on the sounds and syllabic flows you produced. I don't know if the story was all that great. The rhythmic presentation was of high quality and execution, but did I walk away feeling enriched, or given any thoughts to chew on and expand upon in my own mind? I feel like this failed at that, while Pent's succeeded. My vote goes to @pohfig this week for a verse that pleased my brain sensors as well as my senses. Red Glare's was juicy but lacked any nutritional value imho. Keep doing you