crazy topical i never got feed on..

[IamBenT]

a little feedback, cuz that pic is crazy...

Surprised by strange features that form the one she's missed
She sits on the grass beside him, both not saying anything
Had lost everything waiting, displaying her ring
He explained her mother's pain and burning despair

all this is pretty dope here

Then earth shifts, and begins molding to fit her every fantasy,
Tectonic plates folding within lift up heavenly canopies,
Untold numbers of demons wait to devour by their leige
when he's near she feels them, standing clear of her disease.

Really liked that, its these flashes of brilliance that
i gotta see more of

All in all a nice verse but at times it plods along due to some awkward wording issues
Its hard for me to pinpoint exactly how to fix, because you do some very nice things in spots
that show alot of imagination and a knack for vivid storytelling. I would say really focus on a
character and juxtaposing the demon's evil with her even greater evil. and really make the connection
clear that it's "us" like you say at the end.

Dope