Too Manic

IamBenT · 04-11-2013, 10:02 AM

Man this is hotness. The only thing I would look to change is some of the verbs to improve flow and give it more
action.

This is something I am playing with/improving as well and its a process, to make your writing more muscular.

for example -

"I'm just following the path", to just Follow the Path

"staining this house"... to just Stain that shit.

not all verbs would need this just a few could make a marked difference.

This is a really dope piece.

04-11-2013, 10:02 AM	#3
IamBenT SuPreaM Lyricyst Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: San Antonio, TX Posts: 704 Battle Record: 9-6 Rep Power: 412358	Man this is hotness. The only thing I would look to change is some of the verbs to improve flow and give it more action. This is something I am playing with/improving as well and its a process, to make your writing more muscular. for example - "I'm just following the path", to just Follow the Path "staining this house"... to just Stain that shit. not all verbs would need this just a few could make a marked difference. This is a really dope piece. __________________ *A.bove T.he R.est* IamBenT\|Genocide\|MikeWrecka\|Objective\|Vulgar\|Witty \|Rawn MacDon