W7: Greed (2-4) vs. Storyteller (0-1) [Storyteller wins, 6-1.]

Pent uP · 11-18-2014, 11:27 PM

Storyteller -- loved the quote. I read an article about a woman who claimed Cosby had raped her like a gazillion years before the new accusation but no one believed her because it was COSBY, BILL FUCKING COSBY. Once i got to the rape part I expected this to be relative to that, because of how "news" it is. So when it was something without soul or identification I got a little sad.

Greed --the rhyming was sophomoric and the story wasn't well woven together. It seems like you have ambition, but your execution could use a lot of work. THe problem I think is the word choice didn't connect with the scene and what was happening. I dont have much else to say; sorry.

Overall -- Greed has a lot to work on and storytellers verse fell flat, but on the up side at least he (story) had a cohesive piece.

Vote -- Storyteller

11-18-2014, 11:27 PM	#7
Pent uP Robin Williams of Fallen Victims Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 1,499 Battle Record: 25-11 Accomplishments - NC Hall of Fame Champed - Netcees Writers League (2x) - NWL Season 1 - Write Night I - Art of Writing League (2x) - Write Week IV Rep Power: 6862275	Storyteller -- loved the quote. I read an article about a woman who claimed Cosby had raped her like a gazillion years before the new accusation but no one believed her because it was COSBY, BILL FUCKING COSBY. Once i got to the rape part I expected this to be relative to that, because of how "news" it is. So when it was something without soul or identification I got a little sad. Greed --the rhyming was sophomoric and the story wasn't well woven together. It seems like you have ambition, but your execution could use a lot of work. THe problem I think is the word choice didn't connect with the scene and what was happening. I dont have much else to say; sorry. Overall -- Greed has a lot to work on and storytellers verse fell flat, but on the up side at least he (story) had a cohesive piece. Vote -- Storyteller Last edited by Pent uP; 11-18-2014 at 11:32 PM.