WK6: timeless (3-2) vs dead man (3-2) [dead man wins 5-0.]

zygote · 11-09-2014, 01:28 AM

Neither competitor tried to work in the topic directly. It felt like both used the theme of 'life' to influence their writing. In that sense, deadman seemed superior. E.g., Compare the first two lines for each - deadman has "empty and dry. stale cherrywood, ashen or pine
cold breath. pitch black. half paralyzed"
timeless has "I thought I had heard my cigarette scream for help.
I would too if I was burning slowly toward Hell."
deadman is writing about the feeling of being buried alive in a coffin. Timeless is writing about a fear of dying as well. One of the factors here that influences my rationale is the use of wordplay/puns in an obvious way vs. the use of wordplay/puns in a subtle way. Timeless was very obvious in the use of homophone puns - "circuits are pears(/pairs)" etc. This is not always a bad thing but it doesn't compare that favorably against a line by deadman like " to perpetuate the cycle - we decay. in a tux." Both were good. Voting for deadman.

11-09-2014, 01:28 AM	#4
zygote Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 501 Battle Record: 33-12 Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x) Champed - Art of Writing League (3x) Rep Power: 737828	Neither competitor tried to work in the topic directly. It felt like both used the theme of 'life' to influence their writing. In that sense, deadman seemed superior. E.g., Compare the first two lines for each - deadman has "empty and dry. stale cherrywood, ashen or pine cold breath. pitch black. half paralyzed" timeless has "I thought I had heard my cigarette scream for help. I would too if I was burning slowly toward Hell." deadman is writing about the feeling of being buried alive in a coffin. Timeless is writing about a fear of dying as well. One of the factors here that influences my rationale is the use of wordplay/puns in an obvious way vs. the use of wordplay/puns in a subtle way. Timeless was very obvious in the use of homophone puns - "circuits are pears(/pairs)" etc. This is not always a bad thing but it doesn't compare that favorably against a line by deadman like " to perpetuate the cycle - we decay. in a tux." Both were good. Voting for deadman.