AOWL Week 8: c.d.m. (2-5) VS. Split (3-3) [SPLIT WINS, 6-2.]

Vulgar · 04-08-2013, 10:16 PM

c.d.m. - Good interpretation of the topic. As a whole, I think the god dialogue was effective and the rhyming was consistently okay. I think that your rhyme scheme are one thing I feel leaves something to be desired. If you had a stronger flow, your pieces would carry more 'might' and punch. They would be more everlasting. Your rhyming itself is clean and functional, but maybe I'm more drawn to exotic risk-taking, so that's just my personal suggestion for improvement in future verses. Go more wild with pertinent rhyme schemes. Your character meeting God's judgment was an interesting read; you believing in Jesus yourself probably made it more relevant than if I were to try this, for example. Also, I wonder if Ralph had anything to say in response? I'd recommend checking out K-Rino's song "Valley of Judgment" it's dope and right up your alley.

Split - If I spent a lot of time with this I'm sure I would "get" it fully but right now I'd say I grasp about 50% of what you're trying to say. The language was written in geyser streams, with periodic bursts of verbose sections full of vocabulary usage and a deeply personified respect for the topic/subject. It was given extensive attention in painting a "city" of words, if you will. Maybe a bit overboard in some parts which I can equate to overloading the inside of a hamburger. Anyone can do it but it takes a refined writer to organize and infiltrate the reader's mind through some form of accessibility. That's not to say you aren't a refined writer or this wasn't accessible; for me when it comes to topicals it really depends on what mood I'm in when I'm reading so it's partly my fault for not fully getting the verse. I read it twice and feel like I should read it again. The youth of modernity thinking they can be as powerful as God while a futuristic society seems to demand old fashioned faith... no idea. I owe you some analysis.

I will vote for Split too just because it made me want to read it again. cdm's was self explanatory and for me had less re-readability than Split's which was a layer cake that's pleasing to decipher (though I barely deciphered and should be berated)

Vote - Split

04-08-2013, 10:16 PM	#11
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	c.d.m. - Good interpretation of the topic. As a whole, I think the god dialogue was effective and the rhyming was consistently okay. I think that your rhyme scheme are one thing I feel leaves something to be desired. If you had a stronger flow, your pieces would carry more 'might' and punch. They would be more everlasting. Your rhyming itself is clean and functional, but maybe I'm more drawn to exotic risk-taking, so that's just my personal suggestion for improvement in future verses. Go more wild with pertinent rhyme schemes. Your character meeting God's judgment was an interesting read; you believing in Jesus yourself probably made it more relevant than if I were to try this, for example. Also, I wonder if Ralph had anything to say in response? I'd recommend checking out K-Rino's song "Valley of Judgment" it's dope and right up your alley. Split - If I spent a lot of time with this I'm sure I would "get" it fully but right now I'd say I grasp about 50% of what you're trying to say. The language was written in geyser streams, with periodic bursts of verbose sections full of vocabulary usage and a deeply personified respect for the topic/subject. It was given extensive attention in painting a "city" of words, if you will. Maybe a bit overboard in some parts which I can equate to overloading the inside of a hamburger. Anyone can do it but it takes a refined writer to organize and infiltrate the reader's mind through some form of accessibility. That's not to say you aren't a refined writer or this wasn't accessible; for me when it comes to topicals it really depends on what mood I'm in when I'm reading so it's partly my fault for not fully getting the verse. I read it twice and feel like I should read it again. The youth of modernity thinking they can be as powerful as God while a futuristic society seems to demand old fashioned faith... no idea. I owe you some analysis. I will vote for Split too just because it made me want to read it again. cdm's was self explanatory and for me had less re-readability than Split's which was a layer cake that's pleasing to decipher (though I barely deciphered and should be berated) Vote - Split