W3: PancakeBrah (1-1) vs. Greed (1-1) -- PancakeBrah 4-1

Vulgar · 10-19-2014, 01:00 AM

Greed - The story itself seemed scattered to me. I couldn't find equilibrium so I assumed it was meant to be a collage about a serial killer with complicated feelings or notions towards his family or spouse. Janet, his wife? picks up a book he's writing, a chronicle of the filthy deeds he's committed but she doesn't understand what she's reading. If he comes off as insane, it's only a credit to his stage persona. I can't decide if I like this one or not, so I'll call it 'tricky.'

PancakeBrah - What impressed me about this was the snug placement of key words, especially settings that had me picturing a scraggly teenager having fun in the woods with his friends, playing with fire and exploring a girl. It wasn't American Pie-ey, and it wasn't sappy. It was satisfactory.

Going with Pancake for a better organized, well conveyed piece that directly hit the topic.

Vote - PancakeBrah

10-19-2014, 01:00 AM	#5
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	Greed - The story itself seemed scattered to me. I couldn't find equilibrium so I assumed it was meant to be a collage about a serial killer with complicated feelings or notions towards his family or spouse. Janet, his wife? picks up a book he's writing, a chronicle of the filthy deeds he's committed but she doesn't understand what she's reading. If he comes off as insane, it's only a credit to his stage persona. I can't decide if I like this one or not, so I'll call it 'tricky.' PancakeBrah - What impressed me about this was the snug placement of key words, especially settings that had me picturing a scraggly teenager having fun in the woods with his friends, playing with fire and exploring a girl. It wasn't American Pie-ey, and it wasn't sappy. It was satisfactory. Going with Pancake for a better organized, well conveyed piece that directly hit the topic. Vote - PancakeBrah