W3: Dove Dozer (2-0) vs. Defiant (2-0) -- Dove Dozer 8-1

[PancakeBrah]

Topic: I was never really good at anything except for the ability to learn.

Defiant:

Okay, this seemed pretty standard fare. It's not a week in the AOWL unless we have someone writing from the perspective of a drug addict. Or drugs themselves. I thought this was fine. It all seemed kind of basic. The rhymes varied from decent to simplistic. The content wasn't a fresh take on an old trope. And this a decidedly old trope in this form of writing.

"I had dreams, but never succeeded ,now they're just another watered down fantasy
Every pill has been a object through my blood stream
Its killed any chance of girlfriend, kids, so when I cry I dream"

Just some weird wording, to point out and maybe help you elevate a little next week. Using 'dream' so close together is repetitive. I repeat words sometimes, too, but it's for effect and has a purpose, usually. Here it just makes your writing seem a little rushed? "Every pill has been an* object through my blood stream" is entirely too literal. Pills literally go through your bloodstream. So there's no revelation in that line, no real effect. Almost just a placeholder of sorts. Last, "so when I cry I dream" doesn't make much sense and comes off as faux-deep.

Like I said this wasn't bad, average really. Just work on being a little more creative, I think. No shame in this verse. It was fine.

Dove Dozer-

This was definitely a little more refined than your opponents verse, technically. I won't say the rhyming was 'good' necessarily but it was more complex and fluid. You tackled another often written about topic but I think you had a bit more personality in your writing. Not a lot, but a little more unique, maybe. It was decent.

Pretty close. I think both approaches were equal and Dove Dozer wrote slightly better.

v/dove dozer