WK2 : Patrown(0-0) vs. Unborn(0-0) [UnbornBuddha wins, 5-0.]

King Ra. · 10-13-2014, 04:17 AM

Nice to see you back at it, patrown. As usual a short story that packs a lot of content and reads very smoothly. But like many short pieces you've done, which are so well written, a lot of times they don't hold up well against much longer scripts, like here against your opponent, Unborn. Unborn, you have an interesting way of writing, which may come off a little bit too drawn out, and maybe even, especially in a competitive setting such as the AOWL, very obscure and long winded. I liked the overall concept of your story. You could have easily done away with the last part which simply is unnecessary. The story alone was pretty good enough and that ending stanza just seemed like extra. In comparison to patrown though, I felt you had a bit more depth. Pat could have used a bit more meat because it seemed like a quick short story that goes straight to the point and skips some of the finer details.

MVGT: UnbornBuddha. Good job by both competitors.

10-13-2014, 04:17 AM	#9
King Ra. The Throne, The Crown Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 2,667 Battle Record: 21-35 Rep Power: 1932963	Nice to see you back at it, patrown. As usual a short story that packs a lot of content and reads very smoothly. But like many short pieces you've done, which are so well written, a lot of times they don't hold up well against much longer scripts, like here against your opponent, Unborn. Unborn, you have an interesting way of writing, which may come off a little bit too drawn out, and maybe even, especially in a competitive setting such as the AOWL, very obscure and long winded. I liked the overall concept of your story. You could have easily done away with the last part which simply is unnecessary. The story alone was pretty good enough and that ending stanza just seemed like extra. In comparison to patrown though, I felt you had a bit more depth. Pat could have used a bit more meat because it seemed like a quick short story that goes straight to the point and skips some of the finer details. MVGT: UnbornBuddha. Good job by both competitors. __________________ Vetwork, bitches.