No-showed verse from AOWL

Pinot Grij · 10-11-2014, 09:59 PM

This is real crisp, dude. I want to criticize the length, but honestly you conveyed a complete and coherent story in a small space. The one line I would argue against is "Ferraris on Tuesdays" - what the hell are they driving the rest of the week? Or is the implication that they drive a different car every day of the week? Or is this some sort of figure of speech that I'm not familiar with? At its worst, it comes off as you just needing to rhyme something with "new phrase".

That's the only qualm. Outside of this line, this was a straightforward and powerful read. I love when people draw on topics that I would never consider writing about. You did the topic justice and painted a phenomonal picture. Kudos.

10-11-2014, 09:59 PM	#1
Pinot Grij Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 863 Battle Record: 23-19 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night 2 - Write Week V - Netcees Battle League (2x) - Winter Topical II - 1-2 Punch league Rep Power: 29195064	This is real crisp, dude. I want to criticize the length, but honestly you conveyed a complete and coherent story in a small space. The one line I would argue against is "Ferraris on Tuesdays" - what the hell are they driving the rest of the week? Or is the implication that they drive a different car every day of the week? Or is this some sort of figure of speech that I'm not familiar with? At its worst, it comes off as you just needing to rhyme something with "new phrase". That's the only qualm. Outside of this line, this was a straightforward and powerful read. I love when people draw on topics that I would never consider writing about. You did the topic justice and painted a phenomonal picture. Kudos. __________________ Topical C.R.E.A.M.