WK2 : Pancake(1-0) vs. Defiant(1-0) -- Defiant 6-0

[timeless]

Verses will be due Thursday Oct. 9th at 11:59 p.m. Western / 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK. There are no Extensions. No Exceptions.

Verses must be a minimum of 10 Lines and maximum of 48 Lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by both competitors.

Votes will be due Sundays at 11:59 p.m. Western / 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK .

View Other Rules Here

Goodluck @PancakeBrah @Defiant

Topic - "Anything that gets your blood racing is probably worth doing."

[PancakeBrah]

Nuts cashews and peas
Just stackin' the cheese
Bread mad high gettin cheddar son
burn up the dro
got a dope bitch, lookin for a better one
turnt up fa sho. aint no half-steppin b
im strapped with a gat. my weapon steez
reppin my set every step i step in these
streets. nahmean nigga i'm totin' choppas
and smokin' propa'. rollin stone, the dope Sinatra
the dope's sinatra. do it your way my nigga.
im on that la costra nostra roster, nosetalgia rap
flow so gold it oughta be coppin' dat for the wrist
or the unfolded starter cap. it's crisp.
nahmean, the flow like my swag nigga
no show ass wack niggas.
who the fuck a defiant? nigga u lyin
my triggas be wilin' on bitch ass niggas who wilin'
who the fuck a @uh-oh? nigga's teeth broke
livin in Ohio but he's mad wack nigga's street broke
nahmean. nigga a ravens fan but he no showin' nigga
looking like stupid ass flacco. non elite throwin nigga.

[Defiant]

2 wrongs make a right

I've tried to live a normal life,....for the main part that works
A good pay, a comfortable living, but comfortable isn't one of the perks
'A true worker' boss says 'its the kinda thing he rarely gets when he hires'
A dead end job with a so called great future, buts it's not the future I desire
How do I succeed? At home I'm a different person, we've never agreed
But there's a photo there, that's gives me the inner peace I need
can't commence to a life I don't accept, the picture has me feeling inept
It was our first vacation the strength it gives me just intercepts
i see you sometimes even after what we've been through
But in that pic I only see the lake, the fountains, I don't see you
How can 1 picture hold so much power, I just wish I could amend this state
It's my oldest memory but at first glance it's the only thing I commemorate
I've tried so hard to get through, loss of breath....the heaving ain't new
Even met this new chick, she reminds me of the others, she's even like u
I can smell her heaven scent,....... this view now is heaven sent
I'm taking her for a little trip, will she realise its where me and you went?
FINALLY I FEEL ALIVE.......I feel at large, I feel so great
She's gets my blood racing but she's a mirror image....a homage to my soulmate
She seems upset, 'what's up is there something wrong?'
She's giving me the silent treatment but I sense that won't be for long
I said I see you every day, but on that photo how can I fairly grieve?
In about 10 minutes Il see you on this girls face when she can barely breathe
This is what I live for, to see your last pure breath
That's the real photograph, the last moments, seconds before your death

[Certain]

Defiant: This verse seemed a bit aimless at first. You were trying to establish your character's motives but drove us away from the crux of the story, and your images of the man at work didn't seem particularly thought out. But once you shifted to the actual storytelling, things got a bit smoother and more interesting. This take on the topic was good, if not the most original. You told it clearly and cleanly, and you ended strong. The best move sometimes can be to simply dive right into the story.

PancakeBrah: Cashews are nuts. Anyway, some of the rhymes in this were pretty good, and I liked the last couplet about uh-oh. You actually could have turned this into a verse about the topic if you wanted to.

Vote: Defiant

[Pinot Grij]

Pancake - I don't fucking understand why people write no-show verses for topicals. It's not like your material is aimed at your opponent, or you can get away with generic punchlines like in text battles. You're writing for the topic - so there's no reason you shouldn't have at least the semblance of a verse together - and then just piece it together and post it, even if its not complete. Boggles my mind - you'd be better off just no-showing. Also, I know Pancake has too much machismo running through his veins to admit that he fucked up and try to replace his shitty verse because he might actually get beat in the traditional way, so its easier to forget this ever happened and focus on next week.

Defiant - your storyline had a potentially interesting hook - the serial killer who recreates the same murder over and over again due to a pathology based on a past lover. The problem is that you never gave us too much of his psychology in any kind of refined or sophisticated way. The story was as flat as piss on a plate. If you had developed more interiority for this guy, or spruced it up with more intricate rhyming then you probably could've pulled something better off here. As it stands, it's just kind of ho-hum and you're lucky that a beast of a competitor straight didn't give a fuck this week.

Vote - Defiant.

[Adonis]

Cake. Pretty horrible. For what it was, it was decent lines and flow and rap and shit, but even still, just not sound writtens.

Def. You had tons of miss spelling and grammatical errors sprinkled through out. You are getting an easy win here, but you'll need to further flesh out the concept and minimize simple errors to continue to win


Voting def

[NYCSPITZ]

North Dakota white boy throwing keyed city slang around = a huge no-no

Defiant, this wasn't the greatest but it was fleshed out and actually had some depth to it.

v/ defiant

[CopyPat]

lol. vote defiant. defiant i didn't really like ur verse all that much to be real. the wording was clunky and forced and the vocab was really really weak. but u made a little story and stuck to it with a bit of a twist so mission accomplished. the idea itself was pretty good but the writing was far from impressive.

Cake ur verse was fire. it was funny and sarcastic and awesome and dope but obviously ur stupid. why u do dis?

Vote: defiant

[Greed]

Idgi.

V defiant

[Adonis]

Originally Posted by Greed

Idgi.

V defiant

Not good enough